Out of the Comfort Zone/ Disconnecting auto pilot

There are times when I have found myself at an intersection. Something stops me, confronts me, presents itself, metaphorically blows up in front of me. I have a choice. The choices are autopilot, which may say to do nothing (let the choice go away or take care of itself) or to take the familiar turn or to want to run away from the decision or in other words try to turn back or to try something completely different. Something not as familiar or comfortable and unorthodox.

I wrote last about being discouraged and being presented with people doing things that were not cool, what I didn’t write was about the force that they were doing it. As a relatively low key person I don’t always do well with pit bulls or people not afraid to be “in your face” (whether or not they wear lipstick ), especially when they are in a place that I don’t expect them. I don’t confuse being low key with being a wimp or passive as I can also be quite formidable and immovable when provoked. This can be quite surprising to those who don’t know me as it can be like stepping on a rattle-snake.

But to be in that place for me often requires stepping out of a comfort zone. I like being a nice guy, I like being friendly and helpful, I like to work cooperatively, I don’t like being taken advantage in any way or form because of this. Who does!

So this past two weeks, which can go down in the book of weeks I’d like to forget, had me in such a place. The difference from other experiences was that it was an explosion, and confrontation, something mean spirited that I was presented with and the players were either manipulative or with extremely strong egos and self opinions of themselves and they presented this with such intensity that it took me very much off guard. It had me looking back, questioning decisions, questioning myself.


So my choices were to do nothing and hope it will blow over and feel like shit for having been “abused”. I could explode and demonstrate the actual authority I had over the situation. I would have to clean up the mess later but I would feel great in the moment. I could be manipulative back and find an alternative way to change behavior or “seek revenge”, which is an exhausting game to play and one I rarely like to play. The options and issues seemed a total blur.



Or I could disconnect the auto-pilot stepping out of my comfort zone and find a different route; confronting these strong willed perpetrators head on, calling them on their abuse, laying out expectations, leaving little doubt that I had many more options that I could exercise and that I was clearly willing to go there if necessary and also making them wait for the reaction. Basically daring them not to back down and apologize and see a wiser path.

So as I am writing about this in better frame of mind you can deduce that I chose the latter path and while it was rough and the path to sorting out the options not easy I am at a different place. I moved very much out my comfort zone to effectively respond to something formidable and new. While I know that my path is still lined with challenges on this I have grown and in some small way will never be the same. I am curious to see how this new growth will play itself out.

Throughout my life there are key times that I can point to where I have turned off the auto-pilot and in a very significant way stepped out of my comfort zone and taken a less comfortable direction. Like changes in the ring pattern of a tree these are my growth spots.