Thursday, November 25, 2010

The morning is cold, the dawn with its reddish casts......night yielding to day. By now the sky is bright though the clouds mask the sun. A day that seems so much like the look and feel of so many Thanksgiving days gone by.

I am thankful for many many things but I am especially thankful for awareness.

Happy Thanksgiving to all

I am searching through a new awareness and am curious where it will bring me. Some of the time that I am trying to carve is in exploring art. In this form it is more random. Loosing myself in the process and working with the paper and fabric and trying not to think too much about what I am creating as much as letting it create itself.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Sometimes its ok to say no

What will they all think if I say I don't want to do it? Am I letting them down? Can someone else do it as good as I did? If I say no this time then no one will ask again and I miss it? I have put so much time in effort in organizing this and getting it going and now I am going to drop back?

Sound familiar?

I have already written about how I can sometimes get over committed then get tired, irritable (at myself) , resentful .......all sorts of bad shit.

Well I am getting more comfortable with saying no.

I am learning that, sometimes when I say no because I have a lot going on or want a break , that the response I get is, " I completely understand, you have done much and do much in other areas. No problem. Someone else will have to step up"

Am I letting them down? Usually not, because I am still willing to help out in the crunch and I am not saying no to everything. Just don't take me for granted.

Can someone else do it as good as I did? Maybe, maybe not. I am someone who can pull something together quickly and am a good negotiator with people and maybe it won't be done the same way. Maybe it will be done better and quite honestly maybe no one will notice the difference.

If I say no this time then no one will ask again and I miss it? True, but nothing is forever and if I want to get in the throw of things I could probably work my way back in.

I have put so much time in effort in organizing this and getting it going and now I am going to drop back?

My controlling instinct at work here. You can't complain about being tired and fried and over committed yet not turn something over after your organized it. Much better to step back on a high note.

The past few weeks I have backed away from some time consuming commitments. Not completely in some cases but handed off the mantle of leading. While those pang of guilt were there, I am ok with it and have worked my way down my list of questions above. I have also made room to do some art and perhaps add something totally different that feeds the soul and renews.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The sleeping giant

I can see how native Americans and many people who live off the land, can feel a presence, a personality.

The woods and forests have a feel about them but to me it is more collective of all that lives there. You are in it and you don't really get a sense of it all. When you are at the ocean or in the mountains or where there are vast fields, there are times when the light and the sounds are right for that presence to reveal itself.

I went for a late afternoon run yesterday. Able to get home a little early, the sun was quickly setting but I'd been on tight schedules and couped up in offices for days and had a strong motivation to get out.

Being close to dark, the light seemed to be fading as I dressed in the layers but there was still some light around the horizons in several directions. Choosing a 3 mile loop that passes many fields and runs parallel to the ridge line that is often my morning route

It has only a few street lights and there were a few cars at that time and it was still that dark just before night. As I reached the ridge line, the light was behind the hills and the shadows were softened the curves of the terrain.

The individual trees were no longer visible and the curves, highlighted by the backlight looked like a giant reclining for the night. The air was quiet and the wind still and the moon not yet up and I could sense his gentle breaths. My imagination could see this giant sitting up and turning to the side to see me, but instead he lay still. I let those thoughts go, not wanting to scare the crap out of me when I still had a few miles to go.

The image didn't stay long, about five minutes or so to cover the half mile stretch, and then I was into the trees. When I returned on the backloop the lighting was no longer the same and it just looked dark. The giant had either fallen asleep or left for something to eat.

I ran the same route this morning and the feel was not there. The trees and fields were bright and the sounds so very different.

The giant was disguised in the trees that went on for miles and miles only to return again when the light and sounds are just right.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Sometimes life can be a blur as it is in this picture. But the sight of a snow covering on November 1st as I am traversing the hills to work warranted a picture, even if it was taken at 70mph.

If there was ever a question of whether it is really fall, then the repeated nights below freezing and this snow covering end all doubt.

I have just started raking the leaves as most of them seem to be down. But with over an acre it takes a while to do this by hand and many trips with the tarp into the woods. I do feel good repositioning the from the yard to the woods. It seems much more sense than the dozens of bags that friends need to fill up and have them carted away.

I only hope that the snow stays away until I can finish.