Friday, September 25, 2009

I have often wondered if people who I consider wise, have a similar self perception? I expect that if you asked them, they would say no. Whether be out of modesty or honest belief, we would never know.

There are times when I might consider myself "wise", such as when I am working through an issue or guiding a process with someone else or retrospectively see a decision I made as being precisely on. I will sometimes leave a meeting and think, "was that me in there?" or get a compliment on some really "grown up" thing that I did or said. There are times when just from life experience I know how to adroitly manage a situation. But then there are the times I hesitated when I shouldn't have, was naive or totally unsure of myself or when regretfully, I was also a complete ass.

I used the term grown up earlier because I think of myself as much younger that what the calendar reports back to me. I have heard others say that as well, but when I am sometimes around people my own age or sometimes younger, they just seem to act and look so old. But that's another topic.

I see myself as accumulating experience and learning from my ignorance or bad choices and often thinking of how to use this going forward. I also find that I learn so much from the way others act. Out of a sense of entitlement or perhaps insecurity or they are just clueless, but they act like absolute asses in the way they treat people, handle a problem or just behave (on not) in general.

I have a hard time not thinking back and wondering, wouldn't it have been great to have the perspective I have now at the time when I did something out of fear, anger, worry; when I did something that ended up hurting someone or myself or set in motion a series of events that continues. I guess it is better to have this awareness at the age I am than to be a 90 and have even more regret and hopefully it will reduce the times I act the ass that I will later regret.

One of the most important things I think I have learned is to not always react, to let thing settle a bit before responding or not or to disagree. Even more important I am learning to be ok with that.

So I wonder, do we ever get to the point in life when we are wise enough and comfortable enough that this is second nature? I'll guess I'll wait and see and in the meantime keep plugging.

note: I realized when I wrote this that the word "ass" keept coming up and even through use of a thesaurus I just couldn't find a word that encapsulated the feeling.

Sunday, September 13, 2009


You can tell it is September in the Berkshires without even looking at the calendar. Though it's a few days early, I've already noticed leaves beginning to fall on some of the trees, the goldenrod is leaning over and many of the tall weeds along the edge of the woods are doing the same; bending over to drop their seeds for next year.

Like a timer that has clicked, at September 1st the temperature drops, light becomes dimmer and while there will be some warm days ahead, they are never as intense.

Its one of the last tourist weekends. The annual Tub Parade was yesterday and the Great Josh Billings Triathlon is taking place across town as I write. 26 miles of biking, Canoeing around Stockbridge bowl and then a 6 mile run. There are hundreds or teams breaking up the legs and dozen of Iron-people taking on the who feat themselves.

Summer seems to far away as we look into the face of fall and prepare for the cycle of winter and cold. But for today I'll enjoy the sunny fall weather and remember fondly the summer.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Out on the river

Kayaking out on the river in the later part of the day. Starting out at the pond, the growth of plants in the middle is vast and covers a good portion. Here the water is shallow with years of matted plants but the current keeps a channel open.

Leaves and brush float slowly in the current. It doesn't fight the paddle but doesn't let you float idle either.

There is a slight breeze in the air. Toward the sides, up against the woods its difficult to ascertain it I hear a waterfall from the hills above or the rustling of the leaves of the trees. It could be either or both.

The water is still, the sky and the clouds reflected like a mirror.

Plants that have a round leaf as a lilly pad but with a blue flower abound, thick mats in clusters.

The bridge to the forest, a great fishing spot.

For a while the river follows a trial and dirt road and voices of hikers and travelers can be heard through the trees.

The leaves of the birch begin to turn to a yellow green.

Paddling slowing there is so much wildlife. Ducks, geese, muscrats and beaver. A crane was in this spot until it heard the sound of me turning on the camera and then off it flew upstream.