Transitions and losses

There seems to be so much uncertainty...more uneasiness of life...as if the universe is a little off kilter. In the past few months there have been several co-workers and friends who have lost chidren, mothers, fathers or who are now experiencing illness or the final stages of death in loved ones. Whoooo. For those of us who have experienced loss there is a connection, that knowledge that someone else really does understand. I have been to more funeral homes and written more sympathy note than any period I can remember. I am not numb but more subdued.

Yes you can say that when you get to a certain age the illness and death of parents becomes inevitable but adding children and spouses to the mix.....

For those who have lost someone and as the year end holidays come and go there are the series of firsts. We all experience them in a different way but there is a commonality.

In my own life I have already been through the loss of parents and a sibling and while it is certainly not a badge I would ever choose to wear it is one I have been given and one I keep in my pocket. While it is definitely not on the scale of a death or illness, what has hit me more at this moment is the reality of my children growing up and going off to college and moving on. The thought that this is the last this or last that or even the thought of not having everyone around everyday brings tears to my eyes and I have to catch myself and move on. Where did the time go? Where did the time go then my parents became old and frail and die? Where my infant children grew up and can drive and dream of a life separate from our small family? This is good for it means as parents we have succeeded. But that does not make it easier.

So I am sad.....I am sad for my co-workers and friends for the pain they are experiencing or for their loss. A part of me aches for them and a part of me aches for a totally different form of loss that I am experiencing.

A friend posted on her blog that there are experiences that make you look deeply into the eyes of those you love and cherish the moments we have. Very wise advice.