What will they all think if I say I don't want to do it? Am I letting them down? Can someone else do it as good as I did? If I say no this time then no one will ask again and I miss it? I have put so much time in effort in organizing this and getting it going and now I am going to drop back?
Sound familiar?
I have already written about how I can sometimes get over committed then get tired, irritable (at myself) , resentful .......all sorts of bad shit.
Well I am getting more comfortable with saying no.
I am learning that, sometimes when I say no because I have a lot going on or want a break , that the response I get is, " I completely understand, you have done much and do much in other areas. No problem. Someone else will have to step up"
Am I letting them down? Usually not, because I am still willing to help out in the crunch and I am not saying no to everything. Just don't take me for granted.
Can someone else do it as good as I did? Maybe, maybe not. I am someone who can pull something together quickly and am a good negotiator with people and maybe it won't be done the same way. Maybe it will be done better and quite honestly maybe no one will notice the difference.
If I say no this time then no one will ask again and I miss it? True, but nothing is forever and if I want to get in the throw of things I could probably work my way back in.
I have put so much time in effort in organizing this and getting it going and now I am going to drop back?
My controlling instinct at work here. You can't complain about being tired and fried and over committed yet not turn something over after your organized it. Much better to step back on a high note.
The past few weeks I have backed away from some time consuming commitments. Not completely in some cases but handed off the mantle of leading. While those pang of guilt were there, I am ok with it and have worked my way down my list of questions above. I have also made room to do some art and perhaps add something totally different that feeds the soul and renews.
3 comments:
At 62 it is easy to say no. It's easy to say no and not feel bad because I feel like I've done more than my part. The old " Been there did that" saying comes into play and someone younger will take over the reins, gather money, plan the dinner, make decorations, donate food, clothing....etc...etc...It is definately OK to say no!!! Amen...debbie :o)
Learning how to say no is a tough one. It involves letting go of one's desire to control outcomes, letting go of one's ego. That being said, I still have a hard time with it, but have gotten better with age. You can always say no,then swallow hard and take a lesser part in the event and let another run the show.
It is a very simple word, just two letters, and yet one of the most complicated in our language.
Enjoy your new-found freedom, Jeff!
As always, with hope and love,
peg from PA
Thanks for the comment. For some reason they aren't getting emailed and I just noticed them here.
I can appreciate where you are coming from. Debbie, I also have more than a bit of the "been there done that" which has made me want to back away from some things, but having an active teen there is also the pull to support what my kids have benefited from.
Peg, you are right on the money about controlling outcomes. While I am far from a controlling person, I am a take charge person and in situations that start to mirror my work environment can automatically just jump into a void.
It's all about balance and finding something that also renews and restores and is not just give. I have given up things because, while I enjoyed pieces of them they drew on same skills I use at work (very left brain). This made it tempting for me and appealing for others because I was a natural. But it isn't good for me because I need more right brain opportunities.
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