It is in love that we hold truths

“It is in love that we embrace and hold the truth of disclosure, and it is there that true connection can be made”.

I wish this was something original to me but I am paraphrasing comments by a friend, Jill.

The general idea of “acknowledging and speaking of the truth” is not unique and I think have written about before, but the way she said this was a bit different. When someone discloses a fear such as the potential of loosing a job, or the breakup of a relationship or they speak if their pain from a loss of some type whether it be the loss of a loved one or of a job or expressing fear over a diagnosis or condition, it is often more comfortable for us to try to comfort and rationalize rather than acknowledge the truth that is being spoken. To say that it won’t be as bad as they are worried about or it won’t happen to them or saying that it could be worse or completely denying that it is true may make us think we are comforting but it isn't acknowledging and accepting the truth that is being disclosed. Jill spoke about an alcoholic finally disclosing his condition only you hear, oh you don’t drink that much or the person afraid of loosing a job, your to good of a worker for that to happen to you.

Sometimes the best response is to say “yes I hear you”, "that must be scary", "yes the way you are feeling is right" and acknowledging sometimes that life and life situations suck and life can be frightening.

I am getting much much better at this. While I try to be supportive and comforting to people I have learned to recognize a line that has been crossed and then will often speak from the perspective of acknowledgment of embracing and agreeing to hold what has been disclosed to me as truth. Not necessarily my truth but the person sharing.

When I do this the response is interesting. To the person disclosing, there is now a different connection. They can see that I acknowledge and validate their truth and we can move forward on a different level. From an observer, the response can be, “I was thinking the same thing but afraid to say it”. Some times you just say what is obvious and trust.

At work when I am working with a staff person on a problem this often entails listening closely and inquiring about body language that doesn't fit the words or lack of words and repeating what I am hearing the other person say. It is amazing what comes out and most of the time this accomplishes what is necessary.

So my blog challenge for me and for all is to be tuned in enough to recognize when someone has truly made a disclosure that is important to them and is significant to them and to make a point of acknowledging and embracing it and if appropriate, give them a hug.