Relatives you don't know

I got a telephone call today from the wife of my grandfather's grand nephew. Get that one for a genealogical tongue twister. My grandfather's father is the great grandfather of the husband of this person. I had never really heard of the "great grandmother" in this story because my grandmother always spoke of his step mother.

So what do you say to a person who technically is a relative but I really haven't a clue about and besides the curiosity of ancestry don't have much motivation to connect. It is always fun and interesting to meet new people but it is difficult to be familiar to someone you don't know, even if they are a relative.

Genealogy is one of those things that can be a confusing puzzle. While each of us has a straight line back in history it is the intersection of these straight lines and subsequent off shoots which there are many people.

Like many people in New England some of my family lines are traceable for many many generations going back. There are a couple of lines that are traced back to the 1500s and 1600s; have some interesting names added in along the way. There are others for which I have information and photos and and some possessions going back to the late 1700s. The names in this group are so familiar to me as they are my mother's and grandmother's line and they often spoke of the people who are now just photographs and names on a chart. They all tended to live in the same area so the roots are deep.

But the line that the person has been seeking out is one which I have little information on. My grandfather didn't speak much about his family to me and I guess didn't to my Mom, who is the source of any information I have and he died when I was in my late teens (more than a few years back).

I have heard from this person before and she has sent me some information that she and others who are also researching this line have found. She actually tracked me down from my grandmother's obituary of 25 years ago and then through my mothers of 5 years ago. I was the one on the survivor list who answered the phone.

It is interesting, my reaction when they share some of this information. The story goes that my great-grandfather took my grandfather and left his wife at the time to travel out west. From all the recounts of that these people have from the wife, my great-grandfather wasn't a nice guy, to say it mildly. I have had decades to remember the pieces yet during this phone call I was lost all over again. I had heard about my grandfather traveling out west with his Dad and having a very interesting childhood but not that great-granddad deserted great-grandma. I heard more about the person he later married and became my grandfather's step mother and who was fondly recalled by my mother for her cooking and running a boarding house. One thing I inherited was her cookbook from the 1800s. An interesting read but not easy to follow as it assumes you are cooking off a wood stove. What they didn't have thermostats back then? Some of the ingredients are hard to find now and they sure did use lard a lot.

What I have found interesting in hearing about the "bad things" my great-grandfather did in leaving his first wife is that I felt the need to question "was there another side to this? "was it perhaps not as cut and dry?" Perhaps I am adding the lenses and perspective of a 21st century person who has seen many people have failed relationships and it was not always one sided. My grandfather was married to my grandmother for 60 years, so wouldn't that be true of his father? Of course perhaps why my grandfather was married so long is because of his experience as a kid. What is interesting is why it would really matter. Or is it that I don't like people maligned who aren't around to defend themselves.

So I had a nice chat with this person and sent her some photos that I did have from way back and will look for the few letters that I can recall passed down to me from many decades past. Perhaps we will chat again. She is eager to solve the puzzles of who each person is and where they fit in. I guess I am more concerned with the immediate at this time. History is fun but the mold in the bathroom and the reason behind it is what I have further up on the list. [though I suspect it is the marathon showers common to teenagers.

So why did I write this? I guess because it is interesting that you never know who you are related to. As the family tree extends itself it gets wider and wider and the possible numbers of people you can be related to is staggering.