Feeling green

As I observe the evolution of the several blogs that I follow, the writers often get to a point where they inevitably write "why am I doing this" or they stop writing all together or take a long break. There is also that common "who am I speaking to" statement whether the blog gets high traffic or never a hit. I have been there from time to time. What is it that attracts others to check in on your blog? For some it is something dramatic going on or rants that are amusing to follow or challenges. I don't have much drama going on in my life right now. Thank you! For now if anything, I get frustrated because my camera time (which prompts my writing) is more and more when I am in the car and which is very limited and my writing time is when I can get on a computer when there isn't a line at home. Trying to compartmentalize writing is not easy for me.

I feel like I am on the road a lot. In reality I am. I commute around 2000 miles a month plus occasional trips to Boston and then the usual driving around on the weekend. I hate to look at the odometer. It is a tremendous waste of time but I do try to make it useful by listening to books and as a result I am quite well read. I do however find that I occasionally just space out and have to move the book back or I look at the road and go where am I?


From time to time I reach this point where I am in this total fog. I think I have mentioned this before but I am too lazy to look back. So many things are flying at me at work and at home that I feel like a cross between a deer in the headlights and a pro-tennis player in a match. Strange combination? One is total sensory overload and subsequent resentment of this overload the other is that I usually kick in gear and handle the tasks like the balls. Though the past year I feel like so many balls have been coming in my direction that some I just let go by.


Then I feel bad because I couldn't / can't handle it all. Sort of like being at this rail crossing and you have to get to the switch in time to manually move it and when your constantly busy at the other end of the track you can't realistically cover both ends. For me this also has the price of a crash. When I go through phases like this and the output and stimulation is extremely high I just want to just escape from life for a while. In reality I know it is that I want a total realignment of things that I am too late in my career / life combination to accomplish. They say its never too late, but as I have just had another birthday with a number that makes me cringe and face multiple obligations reality overtakes choice, at least for now. Its in these times when I do best if I can cook or play with some clay or take the camera out for a walk or run or kayak. Doing something concrete seems to settle me for a while as there is so much in my world that is not.



Wouldn't it be nice if in life there were runaway ramps like this? When you are going way to fast you can pull off to the side and up the ramp of gravel and cruise to a stop and let traffic pass you by. Though the shock of the stop, sort of like a bungee cord is also a little jarring as a way to stop. Then you have to pay to have the ramp re groomed. In a book I just finished the price listed for re grooming that trucks were forced to pay was $250.



The seasons are changing here in the hills. Its inevitable as life itself. Fall is pretty but I am definitely more of a summer person. Plus when you live in a house with lots of trees you look at the changing leaves not only as foliage but as "when are they going to fall and I have to rake them up.

So as I drive along I look at life over the guardrail and sometimes imaging what it is like down in the yonder valley. The guardrail keeps us contained, though not necessarily safe. I also think about what it must have been like before this highway came through, the contours of the land, the unobstructed valleys. I seem to be traveling through this world of theirs, contained in this metal box along with several other metal boxes moving in the same directions.



How many times have I seen this view. In the morning I travel east to work which of course means that I return to the west. The sunsets are often different and there are special views I look forward to that last only a few seconds. Too quick to even photograph, I've tried. Sometimes the sunset is intense, especially in spring and fall when the sun is in-between being low and high. In the summer the sunset comes long after I am home though occasionally I am leaving late and it is intense. In the winter it is dark at 5 so what is left of the sunset are only the corners on the horizon.



So what is with this green photo? Its a photo of trees and grass taken at 70mph. A blur of color that I just seemed to like. Aren't the colors neat? It also kind of looks like I've been feeling. A little on the green side and we all know its tough being green.




So I await the parting of the fog, the time when I am not feeling as green, a time when I am not the deer in the headlights, a time when I don't feel as wiped as I often do.