It suddenly came to me how similar this is to the seasons. It is the optimism and hope and promise of spring that gets us through the dying out and decline that takes place in fall and darkness of winter. The preparations in the fall of clearing out the leaves and the plants of the garden allow for rest make room for new growth and promise. In the dead of winter when the snow is blowing and it is cold and it seems dark so much of the time and when I am sick of hauling I the bags of pellets and cleaning the stove, this is when I find it the harder to be optimistic that spring and warm weather will reappear.
So I was relating this to broader life and what is going on around me. Some people I work with abruptly lost their jobs last week, not due to crisis but in anticipation of reorganizing. Though too abrupt and not well planned and handled as if it were a crisis, which again it was not, it will open the potential for new growth, though there will be a period of winter in between. I seem to be now in winter there, uncertain of what storms are going to hit, what will a reorganization mean and having to deal with the consequences of these abrupt events. I feel a bit buried in the snow.
As we face my youngest going off to college, this too seems like anticipation of fall and of another winter. Several groups I am involved with as a volunteer for many years also seem to approaching an autumn phase. What does that mean?
So as I sit here writing in the dark and it is 6:00AM and I would prefer to be out running in the sunrise, I too am in that uncertain place about what is next, what is coming in the "winter" showing up in so many parts of my life. I can't get use to scheduling a run around the new physical and emotional darkness of all going on and I struggle to find hold that optimism, though from past experience of going through very dark times, I know it is there.
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