End of summer blahs

The clouds blow in, the rain comes, the clouds blow out. That seems to have been the rhythm of this summer. Rain more often than I wanted, making the grass grow faster then not giving enough dry days to keep up with it. The dampness seems to add more chores to the list. Water seeping in where it hadn't before, mold growing on the leaves of trees, the porch plants that always thrive are under attack. Ants are finding the dampness of wood and discovering a feast.



I usually find summer restful although it is always busy. This summer seems different. I am tired. Not in a sleeping sense as I am still keeping up my 13 mile a week running pattern that I started in the spring, but a fatigue that has set in, a fog on the mind and like the rain it seems to leave for a bit but then comes back.

So this week I am on vacation. Nothing scheduled but a totally unrealistic chore list , a summer cold settling in on me and the need to stay a little tethered to work email. Blah.........

So if you notice I'm not posting as frequently its where I am at the moment. The camera is hidden in the car as I am tired of taking pictures of mists and rain. Its too much like the fog that I am working to get free of.

We'll see how the week goes. Does this cold set a different schedule for me than the list that is on the frig? Do the work emails give good new that the project I've been sheparding has been successfully uploaded and I can then shut them down? Can I get enough painting done to get through to next year? Well I get a warm afternoon out in the kayak? My complaints for the day.................................



An then I recall yesterday when I traveled back to Springfield for the wake of the husband of a former co-worker. Several years younger than I, he was diagnosed with brain cancer a year ago and despite an active fight succumbed. Barely 50. The body in the coffin I did not recognize. Not the same person I had seen before his illness or vibrant person in the family pictures on display.

Something like that gives you another perspective, a sort of dope slap up the side of the head. Yeah I am tired, yeah I am fatigued and getting a cold, yeah I feel like I am fighting a war against ants, yeah feel resentful that I need to check in with work emails while on vacation. Yeah I feel totally blah.........

But I feel...... I am living....... I am healthy........my family is healthy......I have a choice of doing chores and even complaining about them. The fatigue will eventually fade as will the fog and this cold will also fade. So life ain't all that bad, its life.

So that is where I am at. It is the end of summer in the Berkshires. The nights are cooler, the sun comes up later. But the sun comes up for me and it sets and the moon rides and it sets and that isn't something to be taken for granted.

Giving Feedback

I had spent some time in the pre-dawn hours this morning working on an entry that had been ruminating around my neurons the past couple of days. It was about the kernels of learning that come from times of challenge. I will refine that passage a bit and perhaps post it later but what has become especially meaningful to me is what brought me the point of being focused on this in as a constructive path.

I have been working on a major project at work; something that has a significant amount of pressure on successfully completing and on an absolutely unreasonably tight timetable. Fortunately my organization is conscious of these points and is grateful for what I able to accomplish. This is unique in many ways and a reason why I work where I do.

Last week I was coaching a colleague on a part of this project that she was being asked to do. New to the organization and familiar with only a narrow aspect, she commented that it was so great that I had an obvious understanding and picture of the full scope of the project and how the various processes should work, even if I didn’t think I did or didn’t know all the nut and bolts.

Obviously it made me feel good in that people who didn’t completely know what I was doing could recognize the talent and work necessary to accomplish it and stepped up and said something. It was different than being recognized for a the task that had been accomplished, it was recognizing the thought that was going in behind it.

We all like feedback and when it is good it make us feel good about ourselves and what we have done and perhaps validates conscious decisions we have made.

But do we always give it to others or do we assume that they already know what we might say or do we assume that others will do it or are we on the shy side when it comes to this and don’t want to bring attention to ourselves. It’s different from when someone does a favor or something good that warrants praise. It’s an acknowledgment of a special thought that goes into an action. Something that often goes unnoticed but shouldn't.

For the past month or so I have been observing myself on this and yes I do notice things, find myself thinking these thoughts but more often than I am now comfortable with, I also was letting the opportunity to comment pass. I have decided that this is not a good thing and it is on my "things to accomplish list".

A few weeks ago a friend was sharing challenges of parenting but also shared an interest one of his kids had developed. It was not a mainstream interest but it was something that was opening up avenues of creativity and contact through the web where his could demonstrate a competency and talent without face to face contact. Given the opportunity to see some of his work I chose to mention something about it when I saw him next. While his shyness was out front I could see something beaming in him as he quietly shared more. This morning I was listening to someone do a reading and at one point between passages he paused for what is a long time, 30 seconds. It was enough time for people to begin to squirm. But that was the purpose, to bring people listening out of their comfort zone for a few seconds. I though at first of letting it go by but then thought that he obviously had put though into his delivery and the impact of silence on meditation and stepped forward to comment on it.

So my mission, and I invite visitors here to this mission, is notice not just when someone does something good or a favor, BUT notice when someone does something that is motivated by a conscious thought of what they are doing with the objective of spreading good in the world or increasing a greater consciousness. Step out of your comfort zone and share with them that you noticed and that you appreciate it.

I know how I have felt when I get it and also how I feel when I share it and it gets more comfortable the more you do and find you are tuning in in a different way.