4th of July weekend

The 4th of July weekend. The official beginning of the tourist season in the Berkshires, the weekend of multiple James Taylor concerts at Tanglewood , the out of town drivers who just continue to drive through intersections even though there are stop signs that are rimmed with flashing red lights, the tourists that think that downtown is like an open mall and that wandering aimlessly into and across the street without looking isn't a smart thing to do. The locals are pretty much attuned to this and we joke about having to watch out for for the tourists who do these things and then some of them yell at you when you call them on it.

As I came home from work Friday, the traffic on the highway heading toward the Berkshires was heavier, but it was also faster and much more aggressive. A sign that city drivers are on their way. Watching them continue their jockeying once off the exit, is irritating. The 2 lane road leading thousands to Tanglewood only goes so fast and unless they knew my route cutting through the back streets, they'd be in Lenox a while after I would be already home, regardless of their aggressiveness.

But the tourists are a tremendous blessing. Both my kids can hold down 2 summer jobs that are totally dependent on the waves of people coming in and out, spending what I would consider exorbitant amounts, but then I spend more more on vacation than I would at home, as well. I also don't want to come across as negative about all the visitors. Perhaps I should define them into "visitors" and "tourists". "Visitors" slip into the area respectfully and enjoy themselves and contribute to the economy and to the vitality of the area and are just nice people, something that we aspire to when we travel. Whereas "tourists" come in and wonder why this area isn't more like what they left behind and want to let their presence be known, can be rude and basically clueless and want to be catered to. The "visitors" are always welcome, the "tourists" are welcome for what they contribute economically.

I was reading that Tanglewood would draw 18,000 people at just one of the Taylor concerts, 3 times the town population. On my side of Lenox, you'd never know that this crowd was 2 miles away as the noise doesn't really carry and as a local, you know where and when not to go certain places. Yesterday I was scraping and painting the house and today will be digging up the septic tank cover for pumping next week. Quite a contrast from picnicking on the lawns of Tanglewood or strolling through the shops in town. But as we all know, regular life goes on behind the scenes of where others vacation.

Tomorrow is the big 4th of July parade in Pittsfield. A big event with floats and big balloon characters and preceded by the big 5k race, that draws over a thousand runners. Of course I'll be one of them and this year be joined by one of my kids.

Happening just before the parade and including a leg the goes up and back the parade route, running with thousands of spectators is quite different from my solitary runs along the back roads. I remember 3 years ago my goal was to finish this 3.2 mile race and not be dead last, tailed by the ambulance bringing up the end. Back then I finished well before the last runner and I logged 75 road miles last month and easily finished several 5 mile runs with hills this week and in good time. So the race tomorrow is more for fun and to try to beat my previous times.

It's starting to cloud up. Not a good sign, though supposedly there are only intermittent showers predicted. Sometimes that becomes intermittent periods when it isn't raining but I'll hope for the lessor amounts of rain. Being a little mercenary, outside diners are the source of good tips for my kids, so I don't like anything to discourage them.

Well, happy 4th of July weekend. Enjoy where ever you may be.

Is it rude or impolite or perhaps just clueless?

Yesterday afternoon I took the kayak out on the river. A beautiful afternoon with bright sun and a little bit of a breeze. A new dock has been added replacing the more tentative wood pallets floating on the mud banks and make entrances and exits a little less awkward. Or should I say,at least the entrances are.

It was remarkably busy on the river. Tourists, I imagined. Some of the rental places and high end resorts will truck people in with trailers of kayaks and return in a couple of hours. I don't mind that as I have been one of the out of towners on the Cape or elsewhere and there are enough branches of the river that go unnoticed to the occassional visitor.

Coming back, on schedule to meet the family for a fathers day dinner, there is a back up at the dock. From the appearance of one person standing on the dock, dripping, I knew that at least one kayak had tipped. At least it was at the end, not at the beginning, as I once did. On the dock was this younger guy trying to drag the kayak up onto the dock, with much verbal drama and with each dip adding more water to the inside and to the weight. The other kayaks are all over the dock, blocking me from getting out or getting on my way and blocking everyone for that matter. Waiting patiently as this guy, easily 30 years younger than I, seemed helpless in trying to figure out how to get it out of the water and was verbally clear that he resented the situation he was in helping his wet companions.

Having enough of his rants and wanting to get on with it and get my stuff out, I step out of my boat, knee deep in the mud, hoisted myself up the dock, grabbed on to his kayak, pulled it on the dock, turn it over and dumped out most of the water and moved it aside. Still somewhat perplexed, the guy is told to dump it over again to get the rest of the water out so that it can be brought to the truck. Meanwhile I have to manuver around them to keep my kayak from drifting away. They are now set and the truck is here to pick up their kayak and I can now move mine out of the way and out.

So, if someone helped you out in this way after you'd been struggling, would you say anything? I know I would, even if it were a simple thanks. But not a word. They went on their way chatting and the guy complaining.

Some tourists give others a bad name, they are absolutely clueless.

officially a runner

I have been running for about 3 years and for that long written about my workouts and running, but for some reason when people ask if I am a runner, I will often qualify it as yes I run, but not too much. In reality I logged about 450 miles last year and have so far logged 150 miles and over 60 miles just last month, but when I ran I would run a mile or so, then walk a small bit then run again. No matter how much I seemed to try, I always needed to walk for a bit. They were still good workouts but didn't seem serious and in the category of a real runner.

I have friends and relatives who are very serious and good at this and run great distances, that I at this point only dream of. though they have invited me to come along sometimes on the shorter excursions , I have always been intimidated because I wasn't a straight out runner.

The past month or so, I decided I needed to kick up my gain. Having burned off some winter pounds, my weight again had plateaued. Little by little I adjusted my pace and kept pushing a little more distance before the walking. I also started keeping my head down when I approached a hill, getting a little further up.

The past two weeks I have been making good progress, first hitting 2 miles, then three and last week four miles, before I needed to walk. Then a couple days off this week, one for rest and one because I didn't feel great, and today I headed out to see what I could do and ran continuously for 8 miles and an hour and a quarter. Stopping at the top of my street, where I usually start my cool downs. And yes I am able to walk still and don't hurt a bit and look forward to another good run tomorrow.

I reached a milestone not just in miles but in my mind. I now consider myself a runner because I know I can do it and can perhaps do more. It may take a while before I am ready for the half marathon, but knowing now that I can do a good distance straight on and handle some good hills, makes this goal much more real.

There are time when my wife will say that she wishes she lived in a condo or apartment so that when something goes wrong, you just pick up the phone and it is then their problem to fix. Romanticizing of course, but anyone who is a homeowner knows that there are times when it is not for the weak of heart.

We seem to be on a roll. The carpenter ants are back (or did they never leave) consuming huge amounts of time and mental energy for me to figure out how to tackle this rash and finally I called in pros, who told me they'd do just about what I am doing, except that they could fog the inside of the walls in the effected area.

So that is on the project list as is getting in a carpenter to do repairs and the gutter people back to diver more rain away from the house.

The weather too has been fierce. Last week it was the tornadoes in the area, this week it has been storm after storm of high winds and rain.




Last night's storm knocked out power in a wide area and left debris all over the night before we were readying to head for the basement, it was so heavy. An then there was the big bump in the night, which was this neighbor's tree hitting our house and taking a bite out of the roof. The rain and wind kept going so that I couldn't check out the damage from the outside until morning. I was able to assess from the attic that it hadn't gone through.






So at 6AM I am up on the roof patching this hole for the oncoming rains and winds. It looks like it held during last night. Now comes the negotiation with the neighbors and the repair people and insurance. Yeah I know I am whining, but I have to get it out somewhe

The past couple of work days have been dominated by planning and strategizing around the tornado damage. I work for a multi-program organization and one of the program sites is gone, another has a huge tree on top of it and another has moderate damage, mostly blown out windows, but neighborhood that it is in is one of those making the national news as looking like a bomb went off and where a mom sacrificed her life to save her child.

Fortunately most of my hundreds plus co-workers are fine, inconvenienced by lack of electricity but at least a couple people lost their homes and several had their cars destroyed or had major damage.

Working in this planning environment becomes very methodical and practical, such as retrieving the mail that can't be delivered or securing computers, and also the creative involving how to house people in multiple work places near where they need to be and how to compensate people who couldn't come to work and what can we as co-workers do to help those displaced and how to help staff with kids in schools that will not reopen. The latter group is the caring factor that makes this where I like to work. As far as "output" it hasn't been the most productive of weeks, but I feel exhausted and have been busy. Its come after a few weeks of doing several things that are emotionally depleting.

But I am by no means complaining and have little tolerance for the few that are whining because their electricity if off. They after all still have a house and a home and car when there are so many very close by that have lost lives and homes and so much.

Western Massachusetts like many other parts of the country rarely makes the big news. But yesterday as I am in my office about a mile away a tornado strikes. I had been looking out from my second floor office noticing the oddly yellow sky and the wisps of clouds that were coming down from the main clouds. I'd heard of tornado warnings and as I looked at this I was thinking, where is the safest place in this building. Then someone came in and I had to turn my attention in another direction and the sky just grayed. The below video is what was happening where I was looking.





As I was leaving work and driving west to the Berkshires (which was gratefully untouched) I had noticed that the storm was traveling east but not knowing that it was a tornado moving east.

This morning was surreal. People with stories about damage they had. Co-workers who had roofs lifted off their houses or barns that just disappeared. Several programs and clinics could even be accessed to determine the damage because the surrounding neighborhood were so damaged. At a meeting I heard the story of someone in her office watching the storm approach and noticing all the debris and the windows in her office blowing in and the window blinds ripping from the ceiling and her hiding under her desk. Total small towns wiped out as the tornado plows through.

The damage will take years to repair and rebuild and I am more than a little spooked.

This is not something expected here, yet it happened.

Seems like I've taken a hiatus from blogging when I look at how long ago I did the last post. This past week and a half I have had a volunteer or end of the year school commitment most nights. At lunch, when I actually stop to take a concentrated time, the time seems to be consumed with the prep work for everything else happening after work. Plus the rain and rain and did I mention rain. I have been trying to increase my running miles to improve my times and get off this weight plateau that I have been hovering around for months. I have this window of time between when I get up and have to be back to the house for wake up duty and to start the shower sequence. Starting at 5AM or a little before, I have to allow myself enough time to wake up myself with the early coffee. That window of running time at most can allow for a 4 mile run but more often that time seems to tighter and I am lucky to get in 3 miles. The rain doesn't help though last week I was out there most mornings rain or not for 3-4 miles. This morning the rain was heavy but I was determined, having taken yesterday off to rest a twinge in the foot, and though it was a little slow but I got in 3.3 miles tightly squeezing through this window.

My cell phone is fading. Fading in the sense that I have a hard time hearing people. First thinking that it's the coverage and then that I know my hearing has taken a dip in one ear and now I'm thinking its going in both, until my teen borrowed it and said Dad, what's up with your phone you can't hear anything. It has reached the stage where speaker phone or head set is about the only way it works, which limits my options. I have had it for a few years years and it is a few levels above basic, but it does the job. Cell phone service is one of those things I won't pay for gadget functionality (I have other places I can get that), so I am looking for a replacement that fit my limited plan before it totally dies.

Because my phone is on the simple side, I find that uploading mobile photos a real pain. Of course it came with no cables, so taking a photo requires uploading it to Facebook then downloading it to the laptop and uploading it again to the blog. Makes you weary just following that.

I had scheduled to take a day off a couple of Tuesdays ago to be in Boston for a performance that my eldest was to be in. The show was to start at 8:00pm and run 2 1/5 hours, so we figured we'd make a full day of it and accept that it would be pretty late when we got back home. But then another performance time opened up on the weekend and since we'd be driving back in the wee hours of the morning and then going to work the next day, we jumped at the new time. (the show was fantastic BTW)

But then what about Tuesday. I could go to work, there is always a reason to go to work. But I'd already rearranged meetings and no one was expecting me and since I already loose enough unused leave time, I was just quiet about the change and took it off.

So we decided to play tourist for the day and drive up into some areas we hadn't been to in years and just wander the roads.

Massachusetts is an interesting state in that at one end is Provincetown, at the tip of Cape Cod and definitely at sea level and at the opposite corner borders the mountains of Vermont and New York. A little factoid is that Massachusetts really doesn't have any mountains. The area I live in, the Berkshires, are the foothills of the Taconic range and Green mountains of Vermont. The word foothills sound somewhat lame and leaves an impression that they are much smaller than they really are. Some of the hills up north can look like mountains, such as Mount Greylock, the highest point in the state, but even it doesn't meet the "definition" of a mountain. No question, we are at a higher elevation and as you drive north towards Williamstown and North Adams the hills get steeper and rougher. The roads wind up the sides of the foot hills and there is a section called the hairpin turn which The photo at the top is a miserable representation of the view at the northern most part of my state looking across to Vermont.


The cell phone photo doesn't do it justice as this is from the top looking off to Vermont and multiple valleys and ridges.

On our day trip we wandered along the northern highway stopping in Shelburne Falls for lunch and checking out the Bridge of Flowers and the Glacial Potholes and off to the small town of Greenfield. Amazed as always how things had changed since the days I'd lived there 30 years ago. It was much more rustic, less built up (and by city standards it isn't built up that much now) A good use of a day off.

So, where did they go?

I posted 2 comment replies and had a couple of draft posts and this morning they were all gone. The gremlins are at it again!

I was talking with someone I work with who had an in-law that was possibly at the end of his life. Hospitalized, with things failing, the responsibility of what actions and how aggressive the measures would be fell with this person's spouse. Listening closely to what was being said I was vividly reminded of similar discussions I sat in on with my extended family just weeks before. I had done some research on the possible measures that might have had to be taken and was able to share that same information again for the benefit of someone else.

How many times have we been able to share experiences with someone going through rough and sometimes unusual stretches.

Having experience with brain injuries and what it is like to have someone close in an ICU and then go through rehab; then years later be able to capture the essence and feeling of the experience to comfort and support someone else. Long periods of time maneuvering hospitals with family members or for work and again years later being asked to visit people who need spiritual support because of that comfort level. Lying in an MRI in absolute physical agony and ready to pass out from the pain and being able to share my recovery experience with a colleague in similar pain and worrying about his own recovery. While our experiences are different, he knows how physically active I am and that this is also a potential outcome. Having been professionally "downsized" years ago, but able to recall in a split second, the pain and fear of that long job search I also know the optimism I felt when someone offered me a lead. So when I heard of a friend having to now do a search, I went looking for some leads I could share and mentioned it to colleague for theirs as well.

I know when I hear of the experiences of others I often take something away from it. The outlook, the determination, the options. I also become a sponge for the details of practices and options and have the ability to recall them later.

Of course it is how we share those experience and which we share and which we keep private and which would be unkind to share. Sometimes knowing less about an process or outcome, especially when there is nothing that can be done, is the kind way to do.

So, as I was thinking about the people I have come in contact with the past few weeks, working with end of life, physical recoveries, someone looking for work, someone who has lost a family member or friend- I am so reminded that we are in this life together; to be guides and well as to be guided; to teach as well as to learn; to comfort as well as to be comforted.

......and this again makes me optimistic about people.

I have written often about a certain running route that I have that runs along fields and the ridge line. It's a 3 or 4 mile loop depending on how far I go out and much of it is not someone's front yard. I have often thought I needed to bring a bag sometime to pick up the trash that has been tossed by the side of the road and in the woods, but I usually remember this when I am already running.

A friend posted on facebook last week that she was doing clean up for earth week and a facebook friend commented yesterday on trash she had seen on the road and this morning I was not going to work and it is Earth Day.



So as it was 37, but sunny, this morning at 7 AM I had my trash bag and work gloves and bright orange jersey and headed out for a run. I figured I'd sprint between trash and still get a workout.

What I quickly discovered after the first half mile was that I was sprinting much shorter distances and bounding in and out of the brush. By mile one my bag was near full and it was getting heavy and the added weight definitely adding to the workout. By mile 2 the bag was stuffed and I was thinking I have to make decisions about what more I could squeeze in before it starts to rip. Then I spotted some plastic and true enough it was a big plastic bag that someone tossed. Now crusted in ice and under leaves, with a little effort it was now available.

On I went, hopping down to the stream to pick up beer cans or tug out a disposable (not) diaper. Both bags were getting filled and heavy and I was running much less and sweating much more. Cars were going by but no one else was out.

As I got to within a half mile of home a guy in a trash truck even pulled along side and offered to take one bag off my hands but I politely declined. If I was going through this effort, I wanted to sort it out and recycle as much as I could.

So, as I neared home I actually had to leave some trash behind, both bags were filled and close to bursting and I still had a major hill to make it up.

After an hour an a half I was done, three times my normal running time but I figure I added much more of a workout in the brush and running with bags and I was beat. I must admit, I must have been a curious sight for cars going by.

In the end I am guessing there is about 30 pounds here. I have hauled so many 40 pound bags of pellets I know the feel. Half of it is recyclable and about 20 cans are returnable.

Later this afternoon as we drove the same route, I had to admire the clean that will probably be unnoticed by most but not by me as I run the route many times again.

Happy Earth day.

Last weekend, as so much else was happening, was my annual marathon volunteering at a weekend high school drama event. It is tedious, exhausting and I get to a point where I just shrug and my mantra becomes "the drama belongs on on the stage". I avoid the "drama mavens" (rarely the actors) that seem to take themselves way too serious for a volunteer high school event, but it is worthwhile and for the kids and while I have no kids involved in it this year, I consider it payback for those who did what I am doing, when my kids were first involved.

I think I could plot my annual colds on my running log based on the block of diminished mileage and entries that are usually about March or April of each year. It is very rare that it is more than once and the usual pattern is 1 1/2 weeks down. If ai push the recovery, then it's a full 2 weeks. Thinking that I will over come this annual dip in physical and mental motivation, I have yet to be triumphant. There have multiple unusual event that have been weighing in and these have seemed to zap both the time and motivation.

As I am well again and as things seemed to have resolved themselves in way that they do, this week I am back to easing in running. It is frustrating how quickly fitness deteriates as age advances, oh well. Last week the temperature was up to the 60s, I was home from work early, dinner was running late, a perfect opportunity for a short run. The breeze was mild and light soft, the sound of the peepers on the swampy wetlands was deafening. I don't mind winter, but this weather is so sweet. This morning and out early, the wind was brisk but warm enough for just a long sleeve shirt and it periodically died down to keep it from being tedious. The crocuses are up up, the daffodils are up on the south sides and tulips making there way up through the soil. Coming back a few miles out the wind shifts and the rain comes and for anyone who runs a bit, the feeling of a warm rain too cool you down as you return home can be glorious.

I got a mailing on a 5k coming up in a couple of weeks, my mind says possibly, my body not so sure.....though as I got a chance to run on an indoor track last night I could relatively fire off a couple of miles, even having done 4 miles in the morning and a bit of circuit training, so maybe.


Spring alway arrives a little later in the Berkshires than it does out of the hills. This yer it actually seems like it will be a spring and not just winter into summer.

It was 8 years ago this spring when both my parents died within a couple of months of each other. I remember feeling numb for a good amount of time afterward. Going to work, doing what I needed to do and "doing life" but feeling like I was going through the motions. The paperwork and shared responsibility for the dismantling of the remains of two lives served as a distraction, but there was still a hole.


This week the last of the parents, and for my kids- grandparents, died. That hole that I thought had healed and covered over, showed how tentative and thin that cover was and that numbness that had become so familiar, has returned. I was fortunate in that my "in-laws" were good people and not too dissimilar to my own parents, whom I also liked as people and not just parents. It makes the ending all the more difficult.

Every time I watch this it makes me smile. My kids chose to go to a regional high school in a neighboring town, rather than the high school down the street from where we live. The local schools have an excellent academic reputation and are definitely much closer, but the neighboring school offered more diversity and options and was a better fit with my kids. Fortunately in Massachusetts you can "choice" into another district and your town pays the tuition.

Among the many things I love about this school is the spirit and creativity and how this is nurtured and promoted by the students teachers and administrators, in addition to academic excellence. I have seen this in so many areas and the following video is one of them.

I know of few schools that can involve a third of the student body in a project including the principal and vice principal and many teachers, yet Monument does it again and again.

"This is the Lip Dub that Monument Mountain Regional High School filmed in December 2010. Around 200 students showed school spirit and amazing talent. This is Robert Adler's independent study project. It took him just under 3 months to produce and make it what it became"

Down for the count.....or at least half a count

I use an average of one sick day a year plus maybe a few hours when I just throw in the towel and go home. Today was the "one". I don't count the hour I left work early yesterday because I was there early. Sneezing, coughing cobwebs in the mind. The "cold" has been officially passed
on from my wife to me.

So today I lay on the couch surfing (channel and web) and snoozing on and off with an occasional check in of email. While I called out, I was too lazy to do the mechanical message and auto-replies that I do for a vacation. So for some people who get an email response from me, they think I must be in meetings.

While I moderately feel like crap, I also stayed out so as not to contaminate others. But I am also feeling bored, which means I am actually feeling better and will most likely go in tomorrow and will leave if I sink in the pit. Bored doesn't translate automatically to energized or motivated, so after I finish this post of what seems to be random, I'll probably curl up with an afghan and maybe not snooze but rest. One of the unusual signs of this episode is that while weary I am not tired.

There are predictions of another snow storm on Friday of 6 inches. Enough already, winter go away. I went out for a bit today for some air and it was sunny but cold. We have just about used up the 4 1/2 tons of pellets that we started the winter with so given the pace of what is coming Friday and beyond, I'll be loading up the car with 40 pound bags this weekend. It seems hard to comprehend that from October to now I have moved 9,000 pounds of bags at least once into the house and probably half of those from the yard to the garage. 13,000 pounds. I guess that is how ants do it, one piece at a time.

The emails are all working again along with 5 apologies from the email provider to match my 5 tech tickets.

So that is the not so exciting blog update from this far western corner of Massachusetts and after I sign up the youngest for an SAT prep course, I think I will grab the afghan.

Wind

This morning the sun was bright and I was up early and looking at how sweet it looked out there. After sipping my third cup of coffee and exhausting the online newspapers and seeing my neighbor take off for a run it was enough of a boost to the urge to go for a nice long run in the sun. My schedule has been crazy all week with full days of training where they feed you lunches that are heavier than what I would make for my self. Plus there was not time for any kind of exercise, so I was feeling heavy from the imbalance. All good reasons to get out.

So squinting a little to check out the temperature, which said about 35, I added an extra layer top and bottom, grabbed the gloves and a hat and bounded out the door. Hey, I'd been running when it was 25 and snowing and had a great time. Plus 35 with full sun can feel almost like spring. Yah!

Getting to the street and heading up the hill out of the neighborhood it hit me. CRAP!! there is no way in hell it is 35 out here. While the sun was bright the wind was whipping and cutting through the layers and biting my face. Rounding the corner and heading in a direction I knew there were trees and houses and hoping that perhaps that will be a block.

I get to the corner and start to cruise up a another hill and a blast of wind literally stops me in my tracks. These freakin trees won't give any cover, there are no leaves and the woods behind the houses channel the wind to the street.

Not fun but determined still, I hit the mile and a half mark and another hill and another blast of wind and that's it. Had I worn my winter-wear of thick layers and tight then it would have been different, but now the body heat building up was just keeping it tolerable, but not enough to fend off the wind. Plus while I am ok with the cold, a cold wind is just not pleasant by any stretch. Flipping around I head back, settling for 3 three mile unpleasant run when I was pushing for 6-7 in in the sun. Not sure which was more disappointing, the distance or the cold.........nah no question, the cold.

So back home and warming up I take another look at that thermometer but this time I put on the glasses. 15 degrees - add a wind and it explains it all.

I have had enough of winter.

The last few days have been a techie hell. I have five email accounts plus the one for work and had problems with all of them this week. My ipod, which can retieve mail from all of them, also decided not to work with any of them and one account is sending responses back saying "user doesn't exist".

So, you ask, why the hell so many emails accounts? Actually I have more than that but those are dormant. I use email accounts to sort out the different parts of my life. This blog has it's own, there is the order online one, then there is the home one, and then there is the every day one and the spare. And there is the one that ties in some of my volunteer work.

For some this is too much technology and too much confusion but my ipod can handle at least a half dozen and I can fling the emails back and forth between accounts and send attachments to my Ipod that I can read in meetings in the office and out. It's great until they all go fluey. Usually it is only one at a time and having all of them go haywire is a painful aboration.

It seems like when each of the mail systems goes through an upgrade to "improve reliabiliy and service" it ends up with service being knocked off or interupted and at least for a time, becoming totally unreliable-thus the reason I have the spare. Now it is the spare that has completely stopped working and is sending evil "non-exist " messages and guesss what, it just got a major upgrade and product enhancement....Not.

I have always thought that technology can be wonderful or totally suck. There are times when I would like the option of picking up the phone or doing an online chat rather than file a "ticket" and get the auto response, though at least that is better than hearing nothing at all. So I have filed multiple support tickets, deleted all the accounts off my IPOD and reinstalled them only to have 200 previouly read and filed emails come back through as unread and I openned up a new spare to the spare account, because when I don't hear anything I have doubts about whether I'll ever get the full use back. I'm a glutton with a short attention span.

And then there are the techy problems at work that fortunately there are techs to support but getting them to make things a priority can be a challenge. I feel a twinge of guilt when I rank my problem higher than someone elses and get more immediate attention but I rarely do it so my credibility in that area is fairly high.

I know the full moon has long past but perhaps there is some other phenomenom that is happening that is causing this techy hell. If so I look forward to the normal hum of consistent data coming in without a fight.

Winter, at least around here, is subsiding and the signs of spring becoming more evident. Me running outside with only one layer and no fleece, though still needing the gloves, is one sign.

These geese heading north are another. I recall so vividly being in the same spot in the fall and the gaggles were heading the opposite direction as they left the marshy refuge nearby.


This stack of pellets was 4 across in October, over 4 tons. There are probably 15-20 bags here and another 4-5 still in the garage. Hopefully we will get through to the warmer weather without having to get some more. When we reach this point in the season I am ready for an end in the routine of hauling in 40 pound bags from the pile, especially when its 11:30at night and I am already sleepy and notice the supply won't make it through the night. Fortunately I have someone home from college this week who I hope to recruit to move the rest of this pile inside.

With all the pallets empty comes that yearly event that seems to appeal more to men than women, burning day. The dried out Christmas tree under a pallet or two makes for a roaring fire that is every amateur pyro's dream. A good opportunity of getting rid of additional brush being exposed with the melting snow and to burn off some weed patches in the yard.



This stream is always pretty along the side of the road. The red barn in the background, the highlights of the snow around the edges. The water flow is heavy with the drainage from multiple sources and the higher elevations behind and this stream winds its way down to the river below.


Patches of back yard start to reveal itself and this morning a large flock of robins descended to pick through what could be found in the grass. Seeing one or two is fairly normal even throughout the winter, but 25 seems more like a traveling flock on their way somewhere.

It will easily be another month before the daffodils are up and probably into early May before they bloom. There are some years when winter seem to go on and on, deminishing very gradually until we hit May and early summer appears.

Someone finally bought the $1.5 million farm house I wrote about in the fall. Over Christmas decorations started to appear and cars were parked by the mews (yes this is a 2 house property). I am thinking they are 2nd or third homeowners and definitely from the City as the big trees that they have tapped in the yard for sap are oaks. Opps!

Never underestimate the power of prayer. This isn't a post about religion or evangelizing but more about spirituality. You won't find me quoting scripture, not my thing and I don't make those connection. But I feel I am a deeply spiritual person and that comes though in much of my writing. I have seen the power of prayer in the past, on larger scale of healing to smaller incidents and I witnessed it again this week.

More than a few read into my post a few days ago that either something troubling might be going on or that perhaps I was over-analyzing life. Thank you for your concern and comments and good thoughts.

Something was not right and the potential implications monumental, and while I couldn't say what, I needed to write about it, to get it out to the cosmos.

This morning was the news that all is well, life can return to normal though with a renewed gratitude of life and of good health.

There are times when you just can't put what you are feeling into words, yet still publish those words. It's a struggle to sort fear from the reality, the relativeness of what is going on to the greater happenings, the feeling of helplessness and sorrow and dealing with uncertainty and supporting others through the same; the balancing of what is on your mind the most while living through the days. In this world of 24/7 we want instant answers, instant fixes, instant resolutions, happy endings.

A few weeks ago I put up a quote about looking too far out into the future: "Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the Earth was made round so that we would not see too far down the road. " and from past experience, I know much of the truth in this. I just have to keep repeating it to remind me of that.

Can it be possible that there are more frost heaves out there at this late stage in winter than last year? I feel like the auto equivalent of a rodeo. Could it have been that warm spell that then turned back to bitter cold?

I thought last year was the pits. But then that is because the constant bouncing on the back roads not only successful demolished the springs and finished off the struts on my old car but then proceeded to destroy the new struts that had cost an obscene amount of money on a car that I wasn't planning on keeping more than 6 months more but had no choice but to replace them.

So as I only fill my morning mug half way because I know otherwise the contents will be in my lap by the end of the driveway I also hold my breath every time I do the bouncy bounce for miles on end hoping that this now also aging car won''t meet the same fate.

This too will pass and we'll be left with cracked pavement and a driveway that, if this keeps up will break up on its own without the help of equipment. Hopefully when we are ready to replace it and not before.

Ok......I am ready for spring.

So, it snowed several inches last night then this morning started to rain then it was back to snow then rain and it is predicted to return to snow later tonight. Will you make up your freakin mind.

Fortunately I got out there with the shovel just as it was turning to rain so I was able to clear our long driveway before it became heavy slush. With the weather being so unpredictable and my opportunity for running or skiing have been limited, I did some pre-workout warm-ups and headed out with the shovel rather than start up the plow. A pretty good 45 minute workout when I pushed the speed a bit and with another series of stretches, my back is fine.

The last day of vacation and actually much of what was reasonable on my big list was accomplished. Items like "clean out the basement" or "sort through the beer can collection (a holdover from the 70s)" didn't make it to the action step but then just looking at a basement can be enough to make you seek out the beer. It really not that bad, it's more that with a half dozen bikes over various sizes and conditions, skateboards and scooters and several pairs of skis and piles and cases of old record albums, figuring out what to do with them is the overwhelming part. More a warm weather project.

I am procrastinating working on a volunteer project tonight but will get to it after I post this. I've been working it for a while and its at a stage where I have to pass off a bit of it to someone else but need to write up explicit instructions on what the next step is. Too much thinking, but I'll do it to get it moving and also because I sense I'll be taking on another project next week.

So, if your eyes have been wandering down the page to the picture you may be wondering what is with this.



It's a picture in the fish department of a large Asian supermarket in Boston. There this past weekend to see my eldest in a college theatrical performance, this market is adjacent to a marketplace of food stalls serving various cuisines: Thai, Korean, Japanese, Indian, Chinese. Based in a pretty ethically diverse neighborhood, down the start from a major university the food was good and cheap. The market was fascinating and provided an opportunity to stock up on herbs and oils and sauces that are unbelievably cheap when compared with the basic Stop and Shop and the quantities are huge by comparison.

The fish in this tank looked interesting and my youngest wanted a picture taken with it, which is why it is cropped. But the water looked a little murky. The whole fish on ice looked more appealing but with a 2 hour drive home I was risking none of it.

Well as I look at the clock, that project needs to be done and it will probably take me much less time than procrastinating.

One thing about unstructured vacations is that they can be time eaters.

In an effort to not throw away vacation too much time that I have earned, that will "expire" next month, I schedule this week off from work.

I really don't have the time to take time off, which seems to be the problem with why I risk loosing what I have earned. But there reaches a state where the work effort seems to have diminishing returns. Working in a job that can jump between a sprint and a marathon in the same day.

On my "to-do" list last week was to "plan out vacation". There are a couple of family things but we will do but not everyone is on the same time off schedule. Of course as I left work Friday with that list at least fractured and final meetings and emails off directing some activities while i am gone so that I can incorporate that work when I return, my own planning somewhat fell off the list.

So, Sunday morning I develop my list. Three columns, a full page of not just tasks, but new projects, working on partially started projects and some planning as well.
I thrown running and skiing and perhaps a massage on the list for some fun and make me feel like vacation.

There is something to be said about idleness though it is not well accepted, always in a negative tone but sometimes I wonder if that is what is necessary. Like many people I have such a big "list" is because of the influence of work and commuting in taking both physical time and draining so much energy that it effect the efficiency of how other time is used. The list of things that need to be done gets so long and involved that just looking at it is enough to drain energy quicker than pulling the plug on a pool.

So, I am a couple days into vacation. A day in the city with family was fun then Sunday and Monday were those kind of unstructured days when there are specific chores and tasks that need to be done but in between time fritters away. The pellet stove got a needed full clean, and the drive and walk cleared of the snow and a movie and a few things off the list, but not much more.

It's 14 degrees outside. Uncomfortable for running or skiing, at lest for me. The snow is hard and icy and cold seems biting. Yesterday was just a little better but the motivation was not there to even try.

So I am re-looking at my list. It is a sure set up for disappointment by week end and I am thinking I need to toss it and start over. There aren't any unnecessary things on the list and if I worked just a bit more I could have made it a small several pages long, but what good would that do.

A friend emailed me a link to a site on zen moments that she thought I might be interested in. The lead paragraph, which she has no reason to know, described almost exactly the same serious incident that occurred in my life almost 20 years ago that changed many things in my life. I came through miraculously better than the writer, and where he has had to deal with the physical recovery, my struggle has been with the recovery of what is not externally evident to others or to most not even known or noticed. But it is there and I work with it every day. Through this process I have I learned that it is sometimes necessary for me to regroup, break things down to component pieces and try not to feel defeated in the process.

Why did I digress and add such a personal note, I don't know. But I'll leave it in for the moment.

As I look out over the backyard, the sun shining through the trees across the white snow. The rolling smoothness of white, the slumps of snow still on the shielded branches. No movement except the slight swaying of branches at the top. The shadows are fixed, the sky is blue.

I just opened up another internet explorer window and do a Google search on running in real cold weather. I think I need to try this, clear my head and then my list and week will have more clarity than it does now.

“Perhaps he knew, as I did not, that the Earth was made round so that we would not see too far down the road. “

I haven't updated my reading list in quite a while. I continue to rack up the audio-books and podcasts on my daily commute as well as the supply from the library but often just forget to add them here and right now I am just not in the mood.

My reading can be somewhat eclectic and I wonder sometimes what impressions it gives off. Not that I will change my choices based on someone's opinion but it also makes me think of my non- verbal responses and impression to what someone else is reading.

Over the summer I was re-reading the last Harry Potter book in anticipation of the movie coming out in the fall. I had it with me at the beach when I accompanied my son fishing and got this confused look from a guy my age who, while curious about what I was reading, but wasn't sure how to respond to what I was. It was more confused than anything and I found that fascinating.

I just finished up an autobiography by Benjamin Franklin and a hardcover book on the designs and building of bridges. I have a book of CS Lewis stories that I am going to start and a book on the Evangelism subculture in America and I am also listening to the Diana Chronicles (yes the royal one) in the car. Sprinkled with a couple of podcasts on the last emperor of Ethiopia and the Origin of Money, and several round it out. Surely the Diana book, by Tina Brown, is light and gives my mind a break and and the others take a little more brain power. Perhaps I am tarnishing my "Man Card" by some of these, as I expect was the case with the Harry Potter book, but I find the poltics and human dynamics facinating and with Harry Potter, its a well written story .

I guess I would continue to confuse some who observeand who have the time to peg people in categories.......but I am someone you'd want on your team in a trivia game.

So, following up on my last post, I grabbed the skis, spent way too long figuring out the various layers of clothing to take and put on (I am out of practice) and headed (literally) for the hills and the woods.

Arriving at the state forest just as a hundred or so high schoolers were leaving after a classical x-c ski meet, the trails were ready with lots of new snow.



Hesitation has been in my skiing as of late. I knew as I approached the trails that struggles over the weeks before would show up in some tentativeness in skiing. More tentative about the downhills, feeling like I am loosing my balance more on the sharp quick declines.It is a balancing medium after all and requires relaxation in the muscles, which I didn't have. Enter more self doubt. Does this come with age or lack of practice.

But I am more inclined to think practice, since I can control that. So I decided that hills were what I needed - up then down then up then down. Up the steeper ones and then down. Adjusting my crouch, using my poles, stepping with my skis to compensate for for the bumps and twists of the trails.


The forest is higher up which makes it ideal snow conditions and hills and for this dopler weather ball.
Somehow this picture and the next don't show the length and angle of these down run. I will say that it takes longer to go up than it does to go down.



Finally, this was my only accidental picture, the face plant of a downhill. Oh well, but it was first and the last and came only after I'd been at it for a a few hours or so and getting more daring on a long steep decline.

Fortunately the trail was empty except for me, though I am not so confident that the expletives I was loudly using didn't escape the stillness of the woods.


So as we prepare for more snow. Perhaps there will be more skiing in my immediate future.

If I were to have to describe myself in a couple of words guess it would be that I am an optimistic spirit.

When I feel down or up against it I may hit the wall hard and hurt but there always has seemed to be a glimmer of resiliency that continues to glow. It may be just an ember however dim and it may take me a while to find it or believe it is there, but it is still; there an opportunity; or is it a piece of hope?

I often see that ember in others even though they may not see it at all and at times I have been able to help them stoke it and help them see it and grow with it.

With age I guess one of the most significant life lessons I have learned is that, at least in me that ember has been there. Even when I totally doubted it and saw no hope, it was there and it has allowed me to readjust course course, expand my horizons in all sorts of ways and to ultimately come back more than once from a heap after a "crash".

So why the morose yet optimistic post?

Part of this feeling of hope is also that other people, if they want to, can change. Working as a manager I have worked with people that many people had written off. Listened to them, nurtured and coached them and seen them bloom in a new way that they and their critics couldn't have imagined. It hasn't worked with everyone and I have been stung, but it has successfully happened more than a half dozen times. Yet sometimes there are a group of detractors who don't want to see that image change, say they believe that people can change but continue to critiques through that old warped lens. I find that hard and I am dealing with that with a couple of people now that I am working with them, while their critics refuse to hit the "refresh button".


I also find that I lately have so much more doubt in myself. I know that the resilience is there and I will continue to remake myself but I question so much.


There have been situations when I feel like a dump truck of snow has dumped on me and the instructions are to find the shovel and dig out. I am weary because of my pushing for plans to "plant shovels" along the way for such an event, went unlistened to brushed off. I am angry because the result is that as I am forced to deal with situations, I must turn down opportunities that nurture the soul and potentially stoke the embers of parts of me that needs it.

I know the analogy is a little obscure for me to expect anyone to get. So this post is about thinking and processing out loud. Remembering that life can change in a moment and opportunities can present themselves at any time.

People also know that I tend to have an optimistic outlook and take naturally to the cheerleader / coach role that it throws them when I feel buried. This is one of those times I wish I had a "me" to coach me.

The snow continues to fall and I sit mulling over whether to grab the skis and head for the forest. Perhaps that is exactly what I need at this moment.

IT'S COLD, BRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..................

Solid fluff easily up to my knee and just overnight.

It was enough to grind most things to a halt, which is very unusual these days. I can't recall when I last had a declared snow day from work and not a delayed opening or taking it off by my choice. It was nice.

I brought some work home just in case and could have easily logged into my virtual desktop at work but it never happened. A little fried from a coupe days of intense trainings and volunteer meetings, it was a welcome respite. Even better, the kids were home to do the plowing and shoveling and my youngest very eager to do it.



So I just chilled, walked around for a bit in my new snowshoes and found that it was too fluffy for them and retreated inside to do some volunteer emails and writing and not much more.



Everyone should get an occasional snow day!

Pick it up?

A couple times a week, when I stop for gas on the way into work, I'll also grab a coffee for the commute. Standing in line yesterday, which was more like a cluster header forward than a line, a person ahead the digs in to his pocket for money and some change drops out. He looks down, sees that it is a couple of pennies and walks away and up to the counter.


I've seen this scene play out over and over. There seems to be this quick mental calculation of value of what has dropped versus the "expense" of bending over and picking it up. This person clearly saw what had dropped and had time to visit with the cashier, so he wasn't rushed.

Me, well I watch this play out and follow behind and in just about one bending swoop movement pick up the coins and drop them in my pocket.

I find this idea of calculating whether an action is "worth it" fascinating. My Dad, who was a child in the depression and had to quit school to go to work to support his family, always picked up change. We use to chuckle as he passed a pay phone and notoriously checked the change slot for something left behind. While I don't go out of my way to check coin slots, I am observant and have no problem bending down to pick up some fallen change that has seemed to insignificant to many who pass it. It's not that I need the change on the floor or the deposit from the can to get by. It's more just a question of not going out of the way to waste.

Throwing things away is too easy and that can include money.

In my world, I make observations as we all do and while I know they are not necessarily a trend, they seem to be a pattern. There are people who tend to waste more than others and that behavior is not routed in just a single action.

What is the value at which someone will plug in and acknowledge that a simple act it is worth their action?

I know someone who over 8 months put any loose change he found on the street in a jar and at the end counted up almost $30. I think most of us would bend over to pick up a 20 and a 10 if it were loose on the street. I was at a casual church event recently that served soda in cans and rather than put the finished cans aside or throw them in the numerous blue recycle cans around they were thrown in the trash. I grabbed a plastic bag at the end and quickly collected 25 cans that I easily took the next time I went to the store and donated the cash. I not only reduced what was going to be trashed, I also got to give some money to a good cause that can use it.

Yes, I am an avid recycler and have no problem packing a soda can in my bag to bring home to cash in for the deposits later or collecting plastic water bottles at game to toss in the recycle bins. I have been told by at least one person that they felt "shamed" because I'll make a point of picking up recyclables at an event and their instinct is to just toss the stuff and be done with it or they think its weird that I'll stop to pick up a coin. My actions made them feel guilty at home when they threw these things in the trash.

As I do this quietly and never call someone else on it and don't get carried away, I really consider it their problem. I figure that if my actions make them think twice about tossing out something that with no additional effort can be recycled or walking by a coin that they could donate or use........o well.

The Christmas / New Years holidays are usually fun but sometimes filled with overload, especially as the family dynamics change with age and distance and schedules.

Since we try to take a good amount of time off, there is the ramp up required to prepare both work and home to be ready. It can get a bit tense and in the days before Christmas I saw that certain look in the eyes of several people I know, and the look was not one of rest and total joy. Even if you don't buy into the commercial chaos there just seems so much to do. Of course I don't know many people who are calm and pleasant getting ready for a vacation alone let alone adding to it company, and visiting and special meals and gifts.


So this year was a mixed bag. Lots of fun with the family, but limited time off for me due to coverage and limited time when the family was all together and not traveling or with one foot out the door to do something.

Over Christmas we live in the area of the east that got 15-18 inches of snow. With plans to travel out of the area the day after Christmas and this storm predicted, our response was interesting. Watching the progress as the storm formed, this was really the only clear days (calendar wise) to travel, and as Christmas day approached and it was clear that it was coming in the next day, we launched off quickly and watched the progress from afar knowing that we may be coming back into a mess. But we've dealt with messes in the past and what is a few feet of snow. It all went well and the most difficult part, and that wasn't that bad, was coming back to a plowed street but 18 inches in the driveway and probably 2 feet near the road. With one pilot manning the car the rest of us bounded out, grabbed the shovels, fired up the snow blower and in a half hour we were all dug our and unpacked.

In the few more days I was off there was time for an afternoon of cross-country skiing and a few short runs to add to the workout log before the end of the year. Then back to work for a couple of days before New Years.

A very quiet New Years eve, except for taxiing a bit, and a quieted New Years Day. (too quiet)

I got to try out a few new recipes over the weekend, which is fun because I love to cook.
For New Years day I made Remi's Ratatouli.

The recipe is based off the dish in the movie Ratatouli and very different from ratatoulies I have made in the past that were more like stews. My biggest challenge was that it needed a short oval baking dish to be able to place the vegetables in a concentric shape. This was the best we had so the edges were not as round. The taste was wonderful served over basmati rice. No leftovers on this one.

Figuring out dinner for tonight as I type and as I look at the clock it is time again to become the taxi drive and do a kid pickup.

A happy, healthy prosperous and meaningful 2011 to all who venture on this page.

It is the night before Christmas and it is quiet in the house. Just finished up a good meal of a new tortilla soup recipe and as I was the cook, everyone else cleaned up the dishes and kitchen. The shopping is done and most of the wrapping is done and everyone is settled into their various activities until we gather for Rudolph or is it Mr. Magoo's Christmas (real heavy stuff).

A sign of the kids getting older is that we'll go to church for the 11PM caroling and service rather than the 5:00 family service we've gone to for years and years. Christmas eve takes on a different feel. Sounds of carols in the other room a strumming of a guitar in another; the closing of a door to shield the eyes of another gift to be wrapped. The pellet stove busily pumps out heat that wafts around the corners and up the stairs.

It is a white Christmas, it's been white for weeks. Perhaps there will be a bit more and the fierce cold will make sure it stays. I am on day 2 of vacation and decelerating well. I was in the grocery store today and the bagger commented on the range of emotions they see, the register was acting up and he was thankful that I was in a cheerful state and not yelling at them, as I guess has been the case. The days around Christmas are either overload then wipe out. Fortunately for us it has been busy but resisting the movement to crazy. I guess a couple good runs in this week have helped as well.

I am blessed in many many ways by family and friends (both in person and those I have only met on-line) and by an the abundance of much.

Merry Christmas to all!!!

Check out this wonderful video

The look of "very cold"

Here in the hills there can be a very distinct look of "very cold", especially in the early morning. Without looking at the thermometer or stepping outside you can get a sense if it is really cold by the look of the clouds, the air, the trees. Unfortunately it doesn't translate well into pictures, at least with my point and shoot.

Out yesterday morning at 7 for a quick 4 mile run, the haze was over the ridgeline, looking hard and not really moving. So unlike the wafting mist in the summer or low clouds of the spring.....still as if frozen in place. It was 15 degrees out and while sunny, the rays didn't seem to do much.

The sky was a powder blue with a certain fuzziness to the clouds. The branches of the trees along the ridge and up the road seemed more vividly clear and distinct. It wasn't until I got up close that I could see the frozen water vapor that encased them with this ever so thin layer that is so unlike ice after a storm. Like an artist's pencil, each one was highlighted and edges sharpened, they seemed to jump out of the scenery.

The smoke coming out of the chimneys moved slowly and stiffly. Straight up in columns like contained in a frozen tube. Not many swirls.

The light snow covering seemed hard on the grass, as if would crunch if I stepped off the path.

The world seemed more contained, more condensed and with a clearness that was precise on that crisp December morn.

If there was questioned whether winter was here, even though the official date has not arrived, the wave of cold easily dispels that. Add to that this thin layer of snow that seems to be added to every night to accommodate what may have melted in the sunlight of the day. It is somewhat like a holding pattern......

though when I travel out of the hills and into the valley, and someone causes me to notice, these is no snow, there it is just cold. The cold that radiates from the walls of my brick office, that hovers on the inside of the big glass windows not sure what to do with itself. The bright sun outside and looks so warm, but then the trips down the unheated stairwells jolts you back into reality.

It seems like the time is not sure whether to speed up or slow down. The cold says slow down, get warm, the approaching the time between Christmas and New Years, says the same and but then it doesn't. The prep for Christmas and wind down of everything that is nearing an end or break, seems to say opposites: school finals, end of the calendar year rush, work projects that are launched to be picked up full swing in January and of course the Christmas rush and swarms.

I have only ventured to the mall once so far and larger stores a few more times, so my perspective on how crazy things really are, is not there. Though I sense it is much crazier than I think. But that is OK, because if I can keep it at bay I will.

I figured out what was happening with the fuel of the pellet stove, so it is firing away as full force, trying to push back the cold and I am no longer concerned that I have 3 tons of defective pellets to struggle with. There is a mouse(is there ever just one?) in the garage, (I say that quietly so that no alarm is raised) hiding amongst the pellets and hoping for scraps of bird seed. I'll decide what to do about that in a while. Living up against the woods it is inevitable and as long as they are outside, it is ok for now.

The Christmas tree is up, harvested from one our local tree farms on an excursion last weekend. The lights are on and soon will come the trimmings and the raising of the little town below. My eldest will be back from college soon and I will be on vacation after working a few days next week. Things are ok and that is fine with me.

Cleaning out the pellet stove today, I grabbed the vacuum to suck up some leftover ashes when I smelt something odd. Smoke was coming from the vacuum and on closer examination, the bag. A stray spark had hidden itself and was sucked in and enjoying the feast of the paper bag. Dumping it out in the snow, it refuses to go out (this thing is only 6 inches long) so I just leave it to do its thing as I go back to doing mine.

I have been fighting with the stove for weeks, it not adjusting well to the new stock of pellets and me continuing to adjust it and dump it out with success seeming to be farther and farther away. So this final event pretty much sums up the experience and for that much my week. Stove fighting pellets, pellets fighting stove, me fighting pellets and stove, staff fighting staff (figuratively) and eventually me......It went on and on.

So now, as I get ready to pack up to leave to chaperone a teen group sleepover ................................................

Sounds

I have read that people with limited vision can experience a greater sensitivity to the sounds around them. I remember that the theory behind it was that the brain and consciousness is focused on other senses when it isn't bombarded visually.

When I run at 5:30 in the morning it is usually dark. As I have written before, there are a few streets and most of them are on the dim side, compared with some residential streets lights I saw a few weekends back when we traveled to another state, that seem to turn night into day.

I have found that I hear sounds more distinctly at that time. Some of that may be the darkness that forces my other senses and because my safety can depend on that awareness; and some of it may be that it is just quieter at that time of day.

Some of the things I hear I don't really care about seeing, I just take it in and move on. I hear the movement of the rabbits in the brush, the trickling sound of water running in a small stream by the side of the road (hidden from sight in thick brush); the sound of the metal pieces on a flag pole gently chiming as they hit the metal pole in the breeze. Sometimes when it begins to snow I can hear the flakes hit the ground.

Running through town that early, there are the sounds and smells of the city that seem out of place in this little town. The sound of the trash truck several blocks away and the sound and whiff of diesel of the delivery trucks at the back of the small shops and cafes brings me back to being in London 20+ years ago and hearing these sound in the early mornings outside the windows. A fond memory whenever it is triggered.

This morning while it was in the 20s there was the sound of a stiff frozen leaf clinging to a branch and clicking in the wind; the different sound of my sneakers on the cold pavement and the crusty pieces of ground pushed up by the frost but not cold enough to freeze. My shoes made an unusual slapping noise as they hit the pavement and my feet could feel that there wasn't the usual give in the material. All very subtle sounds or changes in what is the usual.

I know the sound of running on snow is coming....but that can wait a while while I am still acclimating to the changes from just the cold.

The wind was fierce and rain even fiercer........that was the way it was yesterday. The water pelting against the windows like the spray from the ocean. Umbrellas were useless except for that fleeting moment until the wind kicked up and turned it inside out. Dashing to the car, being soaked takes on a new meaning as the drops cascade into my lap and the handful of napkins takes care of only the top layer of water.

How many times did I chase the lid off the trash can, wishing the trash guys wouldn't be late. First it blows up the street, then repositioning it, it blows down the street. Then it's the recycling bids filled to the rim with light plastic. Not anymore, its all over the yard. The plastic fruit container flies like a Frisbee. At least it wasn't paper week, that would really be a mess.

The wind howls, the temperature drops and then by morning it is all done and gone. A little glaze from the rain but even the wet on the street didn't have a chance against the wind and mostly it is dry.

Tree branches on the roof and in the Christmas lights, but all is well all is calm and I thank my luck stars it wasn't all snow.

The morning is cold, the dawn with its reddish casts......night yielding to day. By now the sky is bright though the clouds mask the sun. A day that seems so much like the look and feel of so many Thanksgiving days gone by.

I am thankful for many many things but I am especially thankful for awareness.

Happy Thanksgiving to all

I am searching through a new awareness and am curious where it will bring me. Some of the time that I am trying to carve is in exploring art. In this form it is more random. Loosing myself in the process and working with the paper and fabric and trying not to think too much about what I am creating as much as letting it create itself.

Sometimes its ok to say no

What will they all think if I say I don't want to do it? Am I letting them down? Can someone else do it as good as I did? If I say no this time then no one will ask again and I miss it? I have put so much time in effort in organizing this and getting it going and now I am going to drop back?

Sound familiar?

I have already written about how I can sometimes get over committed then get tired, irritable (at myself) , resentful .......all sorts of bad shit.

Well I am getting more comfortable with saying no.

I am learning that, sometimes when I say no because I have a lot going on or want a break , that the response I get is, " I completely understand, you have done much and do much in other areas. No problem. Someone else will have to step up"

Am I letting them down? Usually not, because I am still willing to help out in the crunch and I am not saying no to everything. Just don't take me for granted.

Can someone else do it as good as I did? Maybe, maybe not. I am someone who can pull something together quickly and am a good negotiator with people and maybe it won't be done the same way. Maybe it will be done better and quite honestly maybe no one will notice the difference.

If I say no this time then no one will ask again and I miss it? True, but nothing is forever and if I want to get in the throw of things I could probably work my way back in.

I have put so much time in effort in organizing this and getting it going and now I am going to drop back?

My controlling instinct at work here. You can't complain about being tired and fried and over committed yet not turn something over after your organized it. Much better to step back on a high note.

The past few weeks I have backed away from some time consuming commitments. Not completely in some cases but handed off the mantle of leading. While those pang of guilt were there, I am ok with it and have worked my way down my list of questions above. I have also made room to do some art and perhaps add something totally different that feeds the soul and renews.

The sleeping giant

I can see how native Americans and many people who live off the land, can feel a presence, a personality.

The woods and forests have a feel about them but to me it is more collective of all that lives there. You are in it and you don't really get a sense of it all. When you are at the ocean or in the mountains or where there are vast fields, there are times when the light and the sounds are right for that presence to reveal itself.

I went for a late afternoon run yesterday. Able to get home a little early, the sun was quickly setting but I'd been on tight schedules and couped up in offices for days and had a strong motivation to get out.

Being close to dark, the light seemed to be fading as I dressed in the layers but there was still some light around the horizons in several directions. Choosing a 3 mile loop that passes many fields and runs parallel to the ridge line that is often my morning route

It has only a few street lights and there were a few cars at that time and it was still that dark just before night. As I reached the ridge line, the light was behind the hills and the shadows were softened the curves of the terrain.

The individual trees were no longer visible and the curves, highlighted by the backlight looked like a giant reclining for the night. The air was quiet and the wind still and the moon not yet up and I could sense his gentle breaths. My imagination could see this giant sitting up and turning to the side to see me, but instead he lay still. I let those thoughts go, not wanting to scare the crap out of me when I still had a few miles to go.

The image didn't stay long, about five minutes or so to cover the half mile stretch, and then I was into the trees. When I returned on the backloop the lighting was no longer the same and it just looked dark. The giant had either fallen asleep or left for something to eat.

I ran the same route this morning and the feel was not there. The trees and fields were bright and the sounds so very different.

The giant was disguised in the trees that went on for miles and miles only to return again when the light and sounds are just right.

Sometimes life can be a blur as it is in this picture. But the sight of a snow covering on November 1st as I am traversing the hills to work warranted a picture, even if it was taken at 70mph.

If there was ever a question of whether it is really fall, then the repeated nights below freezing and this snow covering end all doubt.

I have just started raking the leaves as most of them seem to be down. But with over an acre it takes a while to do this by hand and many trips with the tarp into the woods. I do feel good repositioning the from the yard to the woods. It seems much more sense than the dozens of bags that friends need to fill up and have them carted away.

I only hope that the snow stays away until I can finish.

Yesterday morning, it's 5:30AM and totally dark and raining. I am in the mood somewhat for a run as it has been several days but it is dark and raining. I have run a little in the rain but usually its when I am just about home. Though I know people who think it is great.

Fortunately I just upgraded my running shoes as when I counted up the miles on my log I'd run well over 600 miles on this pair and even though they looked great there has to be some wear in the support. But I kept them for days like this.

Stepping outside its wonderfully warm (70s) and the rain was a mist, so I take a leap and take off. It was harder with the darkness and the wet leaves and avoiding the streams of water and focusing on the step. As I went along the rain also picked up so as I got into town (the 2 mile mark) it was mild but steady. As I headed home it picked up heavier so that the value of my shirt was only to wipe the rain out of my eyes and wrap around the phone to keep dry.

The feeling was great. Like running through a warm shower and the feeling of sweating in the rain an interesting one. I am hooked.

It's been a full moon the past week. Big and bright and it rises over the ridge to the east and gradually settles into and crosses the sky in the night. Often it has set by the time I get up, leaving the predawn sky bright with stars.

It is also getting cold. The pellet stove on just about every night now and I have started my seasonal ritual of hoisting a 40 bag and hauling it into the house before picking up my book and usually nodding out. Fortunately I get a couple of hours of audio reading during my daily commute to keep the book list under control, but the act of picking up a book at 9:30 having been up a close to 5 in the morning usually isn't a good combination for anything other than a nod-off.

I am in the process of downloading a book "13 things (in science) that don't make sense" and this along with a half a dozen of so podcasts will keep me plugged in to the reading world, at least audio wise, for the next week.

I have been somewhat delinquent in the blog, email social media area. Electronic media can be great, but at least for me, it can be too much at times and while the information comes in, I am sometimes so bombarded that I can't get it out. That is especially true when work issues weigh and even lunch and early morning is consumed by issues and thoughts. Of course I don't do my self any favors by having 6 email accounts and facebook and this blog. All of which I can easily juggle at certain times. I have been festering over a career decision the past couple weeks. At first I wrote the word struggle, but then determined that the activity was not active enough to be considered that. But it weighs and it will be a matter of a decision or a decision by means of inaction, which seems to be the direction it is going.

I am also juggling the question of "volunteer involvement" which I know I am not alone. Sometimes it seems that so many want just a piece of you that it can consume the pieces that are left. Then I feel resentful and even more buried.

So I have been more an more active about saying "no" or defining very clearly how much I can reasonably do and then I have to work on the internal guilt.

Well in the theme of dash and run, I hit the post button and clamor to get dressed and dash for another day.