Jeff in the Berkshires

2012-01-29T17:04:00.008-05:00

I have been back and forth to the blog, posting for a few minutes a picture from the summer and then dashing back to life. I also haven't had much time to read and think about the posts of other blogs I visit either. If I have the time to drop in, I read the words quickly, but my mind is off to doing something else, much as it is beginning to do as I write these few sentences.

Dinner to start getting ready, college financial aid forms to go over one more time to be able to submit them by the deadline. Trying to follow their path of asking for information then seeming to ask for the same information again but in a different way. Am I reporting the stuff twice, is it going to hurt the results?

[three days later] February 1, 2012

I have always said that if I, who deals with financial data in the tens of millions of dollars and reports that are hundreds of pages long, finds these forms bewildering then what do others think. But then I think that because I deal with this stuff so much that I am use to analyzing and perhaps over analyzing it and making it more difficult. Could very well be. But for this year, under the gun to get 3 tax filings and 2-4 financial aid forms done by the 31st of January has been bewildering.

But I met the deadline with a day to spare. I have also been struggling with getting 350 consultant earnings statements out at work, which also had a Jan 31 deadline and which were, for the past 2 years done by someone who worked for me but no longer does. The adrenaline was pumping overtime and boy just reading this makes the tasks seem even more boring than they were.

So the college things are mostly done, I have 2 more to do but have a month to finish and because they had to match for both kids, much of it is done. The first work deadline was met and now I am working on the next part of the step. Downloads of data, cutting and pasting data fields, uploading to access then downloading again then uploading to the various states. It's a mind bender that I find both frustrating and a challenge. But I 'd much rather it be a challenge for someone else.

Plus it took me longer to shake that cold than it usually does. Go figure.

Today I escaped at lunch and did 40 minutes on the treadmill with the settings set for "hills" and felt much better. Much of the excess crap burned away.

It has been in the 60s here. A strange winter it is. My oldest is studying in southern Italy this semester (didn't mention that getting that send off implemented also happened last week) and writes that a foot of snow fell and is continuing to fall.

But I also notice that it is still a little light when I leave work and getting lighter earlier in the morning. But then I look out and see that I still have a one ton pile of pellets and that is a reminder that spring is still a bit off.

2012-01-18T20:46:00.001-05:00

This has nothing to do with today. I have and achy coughing cold and slogging through piles of year end papers and I just need some summer.

there for but the grace of God, is me

2012-01-15T07:23:00.000-05:00

We all have our reasons for doing something or not, of being a certain way or not, of connecting present situations and experiences, or not.

There is something that is very much to the core of me in the subject line. It frames the way I am on many days, the way I interact with people at work, the way I think spiritually and about my community and even the way I think of my politics.

I feel I can divulge some of this here because certainly this is not main stream media or a high traffic site. Sort of like, if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there, does it make a sound?

I have been blessed with many things throughout my life, a loving family and parents who were happily married 60+ years; and while we were far from well off, I knew we were also far from poor. I have had the opportunities of education and travel that it has taken my adult perspective to really appreciate. I have had employment that has provided the resources for me and my family to do things that many can't even consider. I am blessed with a life partner and exceptional children and a home life that is blessed in many ways. I work for and with people who care equally for those who it serves and and those who serve.

While we are shaped by many of the things I have mentioned, I believe we are also shaped by the hardships and bad experiences that come our way. It is not only on how we come out of them that is important, but also the lessons we carry from those experiences. Some of these experiences we can work with an some we can not.

My loss of a sibling when I was but a child had a profound effect on me in a way that I am repeated challenged to this day. But it is who I am.

I know that as a manager I am exceptionally good at working with people who are good at what they do but may need to be transitioned to another job or who are a challenge for others to manage. I know that a good amount of this is internal wiring, but another good share is from how poorly I was treated by managers who were brutal and demeaning and who had options to make more humane choices, but didn't. I vowed long ago, that this would never be me as a manager, that given the choice, retaining as much of someone's dignity as possible, was a moral responsibility.

Many years ago I had a health incident that I was truly lucky to recover from let alone go on to function at the level I have. I knew of someone who, at the same time, had a similar incident and was the same age as me and did not survive. What is physically left of that incident is only evident to me and certain specialists. It had taken me a long time to deal with these shadows of my past and how I now l have learned to deal with them is I run. Through this experience, as with others, I learned much, was also pretty dense and needed to be reminded of what I learned and have occasionally needed a self inflicted 2x4 to remind me of how lucky I was and am. And through this and in working with elderly parents with health issue, I learned to be very comfortable within the health care system. A knowledge that I freely share and has recently tapped a spiritual outlet for me.

So, as I remind myself repeatedly, we either let our past experiences shape who we are and how we come at life, or we use these experiences as tools to continually shape our lives and our perspectives and outlook. We are a work in process until the end.

2012-01-13T11:58:00.005-05:00

We often keep the Christmas tree up through part or most of January. This year, getting it up and decorated so late it seems a shame to not let it hang around for a while.

This year seems to have been the year of the dying Christmas lights. Having started with several strings on the outside tree that were working fine until I strung them, then half of the lengths of 2 long strings just went out. Replacing those with new ones, one of the replacements did the same. No loose bulbs on any and, though I am technically pretty savvy, I don't completely get how the fuses work. Actually I haven't spent much time trying to figure it out beyond reading the small sheet of directions which doesn't include anything about part of the string lighting and part not.

So then I moved on to the inside tree and all the lights were fine when I tested them but then when I had them all strung, the same thing happened. Being so close to Christmas, I found replacements but then the same thing happened to one of the 2 replacements. Not a good Karma year for lights.

A couple of days ago it was brought to my attention that one of the strings at the top had gone dark. Again, no loose plugs or bulbs. And now a second string has died leaving the top third of the tree dark.

So I am thinking that the way this is going, we won't be storing many lights this year as, if this trend continues, in a couple of weeks the entire tree will be dark. I guess it then will be time to take it down and next year shop for a totally new batch of lights. If we make to closer to February, then it will be "burn time" and the tree will move on to it's next incarnation.

2012-01-02T14:22:00.002-05:00

Happy 2012 to all who venture here.

It's the last day of vacation. A one day reprieve brought on by the placement of the holiday on this Monday. Having the week off was good and mostly very low key. My wife does most of the cooking during the week, because I get home late, and she was also on vacation last week. So it made sense to to take that up last week. I like doing it, and do it every weekend so this was just a small change for me and gave me some structure. We did a trip to the theater with the family to see Santa Land Diaries. A great benefit of being a full time residents here is what they call the "Berkshire discount" which for a performance like this was half price. We also did a couple days travel to visit family and could hit some of the high school basketball games, which are fun and very fast to watch.

Other that that it was a very unstructured week. I had to check work emails a few times and handle some tasks that didn't have coverage and that was more than enough work exposure. I was conscious of not engaging in responding to some of the email rants and just forwarded them to others in case they "blew up" because I wasn't there. Sometimes people need constant stroking and reassurance and I realize that it is those parts of my job that are the most draining.

So as I am in this last day I am even more unstructured than usual and all over the place. A moderate run in the morning, checking the work emails for any land mines I'll hit tomorrow. (nothing more than the earlier rants). A few chores and getting ready for a meeting tonight, cleaning the fishbowl and thinking of the lists I need to make of all things going on over the next several weeks. We are in college application process for my youngest and anyone who has gone through that and knows the terms FAFSA and CSS profile and two kids in college, can relate to my angst about the to do list. But that too will get done.

So, I hear that the latest batch of bread is out of the oven and a visitor is at the door and I hear the dryer buzzer also summoning me. All amazingly routine stuff, which is great.

Cheers!

2011-12-28T09:27:00.003-05:00

It really doesn't seem like it is December 28th. Last night was heavy rain and today was kind of a mix. The last few days its been cold and a mixture of flurries and snow. Neither winter nor fall.

Being on vacation this week and exposed to more food than usual, thanks to a son who loves to bake and is very good at it, I have been trying to get some miles in running on the treadmill in the basement. While I can work up a good sweat, the challenge is that the tread movement isn't always even and can jump, so if I don't hold on I could easily end up on the floor. But holding on is bad form and leads to uneven strides and lower back aches. So in this more mild weather what better motivation to hit the street.

The mist over the hills and over the fields is of course beautiful and while lush green foliage of summer is stunning there is a simpler more visible beauty in nature that is exposed without the leaves and brush. As I ran the snow flurries began and soon were pelting me like rice confetti at a wedding, but soon they too moved on.

On a day like this, it is hard to believe that this is what is was a year ago today.

Merry Christmas to all!!

2011-12-25T20:17:00.000-05:00

Olivia's Overlook

2011-12-03T19:29:00.007-05:00

My blog seems to get a good number of hits from people looking for information on Olivia's Overlook. Probably because I uploaded some shots awhile ago.

So I thought I'd add some more and some links for visitors who are looking.

The overlook itself is a clearing in the woods created but the laying of gas lines and reveals stunning views of Lake Mackinac aka Stockbridge Bowl. The land is part of land trust and is connected to other land trusts and protected properties. This is part of Yokun Ridge.

The Berkshire Natural Resource Council manages many properties throughout the Berkshires. Click on their name and it will bring you to this property with access to the others.

So if you are headed to Olivia's overlook, enjoy the view but don't miss out on some of the other great views and trails as well.

This one is

There are also several pieces of land within 5 minutes from here that are great for hiking. Steven's Glen being one and another is Pleasant Valley Wildlife Sanctuary ( part of Mass Audubon)

The Michael Walsh trail leaves from the parking lot and goes up along the ridge line and into the woods.

Across the road connects to the Burbank Trail loop up to Mission Pond. As the sign warns, some of these properties are open for hunting in season, so caution is advised in the cooler months. Pleasant Vally Sanctuary does not allow hunting.

These pictures were taken in the morning as the mist was still on the lake and hadn't yet been burned of by the sun.

At close to the crest of the ridge on a road out of Lenox and past Tanglewood, it reaches a peak then the road moves down the other side of the ridge to West Stockbridge ( that is unless you go straight and end up in Richmond. The road is a shortcut for those coming in from New York and heading for Tanglewood or Lenox.

It gets confusing sometime where you are. Lenox Mountain seems very much to be the same ridge structure as Richmond Mountain. It really depends on which direction you are coming from.

For some contrast, here is the same view in the summer.

So if you are heading to Olivia's Overlook enjoy the view and the walk in the woods. But don't miss out on some of the other great views as well.

This one is just down the mountain and past Tanglewood and called Gould Meadows, also part of a land trust and includes trails that go down to Stockbridge Bowl.

Nature confusing itself

2011-11-30T07:12:00.005-05:00

That early blizzard threw everyone off including nature itself. Followed by unseasonal warming the lettuce continued to grow once the snow was cleared in the garden and the forsythia proceeded to start blooming with the subsequent warm weather, only to be nipped by a deep cold snap. Looking out the window at this bush I at first thought that the leaves had turned yellow only to discover that these were actual flowers. It is hard to believe it is almost December, though I expect that winter will eventually land.

I am reading a book about the great 1938 hurricane that happened in late September and devastated huge areas of Long Island and New England, including large parts of western Mass where I grew up. In an era before "storm teams" and the Weather Channel it is amazing how unprepared and unknowing people were for such an event and how quickly it was bearing down on them. Compared with today, weather forecasting and tracking seems more than and amateur activity. Around where I grew up there are now large dikes surrounding many of the areas that were flooded by the 20 inches of rain that fell in a couple of days and burst the banks of streams and rivers.

As I started this yesterday, I look out on the yard this morning covered with frost and the air has that "cold" look to it and the greenery on the ground is curled up as if to try to warm itself . The wood smoke snakes from the neighbors chimney. But the days then seem to warm up nicely still. A gradual progression to winter, that is until we get another dump of snow and hopefully the snow blower will be back by then.

My weekday running has taken to indoors. Locating a gym with treadmills 10 minutes from work gives me at least some time to sprint there, get a half hour run, jump in the shower and dash back to work. A little tight, but better than nothing and works to stem the stress of the day. I leave the weekends for the longer more relaxed trips.

Christmas season is upon us. The outdoor lights went on yesterday at midnight and unfortunately as I returned home last night, I notice a couple strings aren't working, so a weekend chore for the list. Glad that it is Friday.

Ouch

2011-11-21T20:06:00.002-05:00

The snow is gone, the stove is back to normal after the chimney sweep flushed out the flue. Seems amazing that it has been several weeks since those events piled on and were taken care of. All that remains is for the snowblower folks to pick up the machine and fix the auger so that it is ready for the real season.

One of the real bonuses of this wild weather with all its wind has been that 90% of the leaves in our yard blew either into the woods or next door. My neighbor has some pretty huge Maples and also some serious tractor equipment to deal with it, so while I feel a tinge of guilt it soon goes away. This past weekend the final mow mulched what was left and readies the yard to be buried in snow. Fortunately that was Saturday.

On Sunday I was up early readying for a nice long run before I needed to be back for church. The weather and darkness and just general busyness has made running tough. Carving out an hour or so a couple times a week to hit the treadmills at the gym is tough but I'd been able to do it the last few days so I was eager to rack up some more miles, less I fall behind by goals.

So out I go, changing the route from the day before to avoid facing the wind and feeling a little the miles of the past few days but I persevere. Rounding the curve I see a car turning on to the road facing me and being a courteous runner I head off the road to the sidewalk. That is when it happened.

The twinge in the foot, the dip in the pavement both happening at the same split second and down I go. First the knees and then the near forward motion face plant into the pavement and gravel. Yeooooch!!!

I must have been a sight as the driver pulled over and nicely asked, "sir, are you all-right?" Mortified and a little in shock I scurry to my feet and send him on his way with thanks for stopping. Then I assess. Hands and knees scraped, feeling the blood running and that twinge in the foot now hurts. Nothing seems broken, just serious bruises and scrapes. The running tights are torn at the knee and who knows that it looks like underneath. Crap and those are my good cold weather gear.

It is then that I recall that I am 2 miles from home. Well so much for making distance, I'll be lucky to make it home. But walking then trotting to speed up the return I hobbled home.

The last time I fell like this was the last time I used my roller blades and hit a rock than ended with me wrenching my back and bruising my tailbone and retiring me from that sport.

Back home I assessing the damage and peeling back the torn fabric to reveal the embedded gravel and while some might immediately think I was lucky at my age not to be more injured, what really came to mind was, cool I'm not that bad given the spill and my age and I'm in better shape that I was the last time this happened. I'll recover and be back out there.

So the rest of Sunday was spent bandaging the scrapes and icing and elevating the foot to get the swelling down and keep it down. The tear in the tights will provide a Christmas gift opportunity and I can still keep these in reserve.

Today as I expected, the second wave of pain arrives. The sore arms and shoulders that supported me in my skid; the gashes on the knees and hands that hurt and are stiff and aggravated by the bandages that make bending the knee hurt. But by the end of the day I am thinking I might be able to get some mild treadmill time in on Friday to loosen things up. We will see.

2011-10-30T14:06:00.003-04:00

There has always been this saying about New England weather that if you don't like it, wait a while and it will change.

Well yesterday we got 20 inches of snow. The camera battery died after taking this one picture of the bird feeder piled high with snow.

We were out of the area to visit colleges yesterday and the forecast was for the storm to start at night but as we were sitting at 2 eating lunch an hour away from home, the snow just appeared heavy and continued and continued. An hour return trip took 4 hours. Traveling part of the highway that I do every day, coming up into the hills was about the worst I have experienced in 10 years of commuting. Trucks and buses were getting stuck, on the other side of the highway traffic was stuck on hills for miles. The car was skidding so much that the wheels were at a right angle yet I was going straight. Sure did exhaust my winter driving knowledge and experience. The plows were out but just couldn't keep up. Getting close to home the road to Lenox, up a hill of course, was backed up with skidding cars. We turned around to go the back way and got to the final hill a tenth of a mile I got stuck and the smell of burning tires from skidding was in the air. Backing down a bit and getting it into first I was finally able to get to our street and make it in the driveway.

The pellet stove has been really acting up this past week. Soot, soot and more soot. I have cleaned it out, adjusted the settings, changed the fuel, cleaned it out over and over and about fed up with it. Took a break to go out and plow the snow and the snow blower died 10- feet out from the garage and I had to do the driveway by hand. Fortunately it worked last night when my youngest did the first 10 inches. The sun is out and it is starting to melt. Hurray.

So, quite a weekend it has been. Our first taste of winter and I am not sure I am ready for the full meal.

Snow!!!!!

2011-10-28T20:07:00.002-04:00

Well it has happened the first snow came last night. A couple of inches which made driving home a treat and since many of the leaves are still on the trees, it caused them to hang quite low. It was in the high 30s-40s today so some of it has lasted especially on the north side of the house..

The weather projection for tomorrow is 5 inches more. We'll wee how the trees handle that.

Added to my excitement over an early winter the pellet stove has chosen to act up.

I am not liking winter this early and this complicated when it is still October/

2011-10-17T13:46:00.006-04:00

I have been noticing that except for the last post, which was actually stuck in "draft" status for a few month, my posts have been on the heavier side and my processing some of the craziness and uncertainty around me: A car with a check engine light on and due for inspection that needed repairs at multiple places and also involved arranging for rentals; work has been long and stressful and uncertain; with several community involvements I was also contending with uncertainty and drama and the there is the every day life at home that while nowhere near dramatic, is still hectic. This blog reflected that I was feeling totally "fried".

Recognizing this, on Friday I announced that I was taking today off, the voice mail message was set, the emails would not be answered. Absolutely nothing scheduled in advance and I would get most of my chores done over the weekend and play it by ear.

So that is what I have done. Up at my regular 5:30 there was more time for coffee and reading the on-line papers and a gradual wake-up, an hour and a half for a warm-up and a cool down and a nice 7 mile mile run in the daylight and enjoy the fall colors, some core workouts back home and calmly clearing out some bills with Keith Jarret on in the background and soon off to the post office. A deep tissue massage has been scheduled for 4 and then off to see my youngest whip the other team in a volleyball scrimmage.

The time in the middle giving some space to plan and download podcasts.

Tomorrow is due to be hectic and events that will unfold somewhat uncertain and while one day off doesn't heal months worth of wear, at least I will be in a better frame of mind to be open to what comes along and I also started blocking out some days on the calendar and publishing them on the work calendar as "out".

2011-10-16T20:04:00.000-04:00

A few months back my eldest invited me to go fishing on the Green River in Great Barrington. Not feeling in the mood for fishing but often up for a time with the kids, I grabbed the camera and came along. The sun was beginning to set and this is often a great time of day to catch interesting shadows and colors, though it can be a challenge of it being to dark for my point and shoot camera and we were leaving later than anticipated. .

To get to the spot you park on the side of the road by pastures and follow the narrow but well worn path into the woods and eventually to the river. One of the hidden treasures that the locals know and the passer by just wonders why these cars are parked on the side of the road. Deep inside there is a swimming spot, and the water is cold and excepted for where it has been pooled, the current is pretty quick.

Crossing from side to side, the current proved a challenge as it wanted to float my sandles and through it was only a foot and a half deep at the crossing, the strength of the current was enough to shift the rocks under foot and the trek was made at a long angle

There are very few people out and the deeper we get up stream, there are none. The splashing sound of the current becomes more faint and the is just the quiet sounds of twilight.

The sunset took on a definite purple shade.

It was a time to just be out there together. Appreciating nature, appreciating company, appreciating summer and of all of these opportunities.

2011-10-07T22:13:00.002-04:00

I was having a brief though deep discussion with a friend about faith and spirituality and what happens when facing tough and uncertain times. Getting through those times requires a certain level of optimism and hope.

It suddenly came to me how similar this is to the seasons. It is the optimism and hope and promise of spring that gets us through the dying out and decline that takes place in fall and darkness of winter. The preparations in the fall of clearing out the leaves and the plants of the garden allow for rest make room for new growth and promise. In the dead of winter when the snow is blowing and it is cold and it seems dark so much of the time and when I am sick of hauling I the bags of pellets and cleaning the stove, this is when I find it the harder to be optimistic that spring and warm weather will reappear.

So I was relating this to broader life and what is going on around me. Some people I work with abruptly lost their jobs last week, not due to crisis but in anticipation of reorganizing. Though too abrupt and not well planned and handled as if it were a crisis, which again it was not, it will open the potential for new growth, though there will be a period of winter in between. I seem to be now in winter there, uncertain of what storms are going to hit, what will a reorganization mean and having to deal with the consequences of these abrupt events. I feel a bit buried in the snow.

As we face my youngest going off to college, this too seems like anticipation of fall and of another winter. Several groups I am involved with as a volunteer for many years also seem to approaching an autumn phase. What does that mean?

So as I sit here writing in the dark and it is 6:00AM and I would prefer to be out running in the sunrise, I too am in that uncertain place about what is next, what is coming in the "winter" showing up in so many parts of my life. I can't get use to scheduling a run around the new physical and emotional darkness of all going on and I struggle to find hold that optimism, though from past experience of going through very dark times, I know it is there.

The Drama belongs on the stage

2011-09-24T14:40:00.012-04:00

I had an experience the past week to attend a school committee meeting in the school district that my kids attend to present a parent perspective on an extracurricular drama program that I have been active with for the past six years. Over several months, this activity involves more than 10-15% of the entire student body and about 40-50 parent volunteers who put in a ton of hours. This school committee tends to set it's sites on this activity just about every year because of what it costs. They only pay for less than 3% of the cost and all of that is staff time for "coaches" and this is less than any sports teams with the same number of student participants. The remaining 70% is raised by parents and students.

I have always had a certain amount of admiration and gratitude for people who are willing to step forward to do the volunteer work of town government. I consider it to be a thankless job that takes a big commitment. There are jerks that sometimes get involved but for the most part the people I know who are involved are committed and good.

But the level of respect I had for a few has been diminished by this experience.
After finishing a presentation directly addressing previously stated questions, identifying that some of the cost was to rent equipment that the school did not have or was in disrepair and me sharing the process and value to participants, the response was that they were taken aback by the "defensiveness" of the presentation.

Huh? You single this activity out from all of the others, you raise pointed questions and requested representatives to present and when they do it is "defensive"?

Then a few refused to acknowledge information right in front of them because it disagreed with what they had set their minds to and a few made statements and open questions looking directly into the camera and also made some insulting and dismissive comments to the group. So riled at one point I did interrupted to point directly to the information a member "couldn't see" I think it was more "wouldn't") and he just dismissed the point. It took all of my restraint not to say more, such as "fuck you" bozo. But sizing up the characters who were clearly playing to the camera , I didn't want to make trouble. So I sat there but I believe those on the panel who saw my body language, got the message. I have no problems with those who just raised questions about clarity and am happy to work with them to make it clearer. But those who made the wisecracks and questioned " transparency"'went beyond reasonable. They wanted to lob cheap shots.

Most know me as being pretty unflappable and very even tempered so my reaction was uncharacteristic. As one in my group said, "when they got you pissed, we knew it was bad".

In the end it was sent to a subgroup, where it should have gone to begin with, and there we will simplify the reports and hopefully put this behind for this year.

So what I took away from this was that perhaps we should find some performance options for some of these drama wannabees so that they can "perform" in a more appropriate venue.

And when I got home, even though it was 10PM, I got out of my "meeting clothes", thew on the sneakers, shorts and T and got out my flashers and headlamp and went out for a 3 mile run up some serious hills.

I am learning that running is good for me putting things in perspective and also burning off adrenalin generated from experiences such as this and I felt much better and could sleep peacefully to deal with this on another day.

Tomorrow I run the 10k Brocktrot a 10k benefit for lung cancer research. Knowing more about the 40-something, non-smoker marathoner who died of lung cancer and being part of this event put some of the other crap in perspective.

2011-09-11T14:21:00.005-04:00

At the high school my kids attend or did attend there is this wide hill facing the road overlooking the soccer field. Its a natural for seating and has been a natural for "painting" spirit messages or for events.

Ten year ago the students and teachers decided that one of the ways they would process and deal with the event of 9/11 was to paint a flag on the hill. Ten years ago it was more informal with people stopping by to pick up a brush. This year it was made a community event with a science teacher coordinating the project, the high school math classes doing the calculations for the grids, the middle school kids making the stencils for the stars and the entire community invited to be part of the painting. Scheduling the layout and painting around all the rain this past week has been a challenge and so that it would be done for a community ceremony this morning. It was done yesterday afternoon. 70 feet by 120 feet, it is quite something.

Here is a link to a time lapse of the flag project

This is 40 pounds

2011-09-10T10:30:00.008-04:00

This picture seems sort of an odd way to lead off a post having not posted for a few weeks now. It has been rainy, I had a vacation in there, kids returning to school, more than the usual work chaos in addition to a bunch of other things. In other words life has been happening.

The rain mixed with the late rising of the sun in the morning has made it difficult to squeeze running in. I have given up doing it a lunch because there are no facilities to clean up and cool down well and that was creating more issues.

I have come to realize how much I have integrated that one activity into my life and have come to depend on it as a stress outlet in addition to keeping the weight under control. Rather than reach for the food in times of stress I'd much rather grab the shorts and sneakers and head outside for a while even if it is just a couple miles out and back.

This past week, even though it was a short one, was one of the worst I can remember at work. Late hours and heavy issues, I got to the point where any meaningful thought was difficult. My brain seemed to hurt.

So Friday I threw my hands up, left a few minutes early, vented for a while when I got home then went out for a 3 mile run in the moderate dark into and around the downtown and back home. The town was bustling with alfresco diners and tourists walking around as I sweatily made my way through and around them. The fog was starting to lift from my mind. When I got back I was ready for dinner and to relax for the evening. Then this morning I went for another 5 mile run and was able to process a lot of the craziness that went on last week.

After eating breakfast then cleaning up and popping on the scale to see how things were going, I discovered that I had practically met the weight goal I set 2 years ago when I took on running, which was to drop at least 40 pound. I was at 39.6 pounds lost. Of course I realize that some of that was that I had run and probably hadn't fully replace the water lost, but when I hit these marks it usually means that my weight will hover up and down around it but eventually if I keep up the running and eating paces, will become the new normal.

As I think of this I realized that what I had been carrying around was the equivalent of this 40 pound bag of pellets. Totally gross and disgusting when I think of it and I keep that as a reminder and motivator to keep me getting out there and watching what I consume.

So, the new and probably final weigh t goal is 5-10 more pounds and the secondary goal of training for a 10k the end of the month and working toward a half marathon next spring. That will be difficult with the normal challenges of exercising in the winter but it is a goal.

So, this has been a post of total personal reflection/obsession. Pehaps I'll finish the more general and creative ones I'll started and have sitting out in "draft". But first, it is mowing the lawn that has grown long with all this rain and cleaning the stove to be able to burn this bag of pellets.

2011-08-05T20:11:00.003-04:00

I was out in the yard walking around checking out the flowers and the garden. Some of the flowers are starting to have that late summer look to them. But the sunflowers are in full bloom and these white things (you can tell who isn't the flower person) are bright and fragrant. [I have since been told they are phlox]

What caught my eye was this tiny humming bird darting around this flower, stopping long enough to sip from on bloom and then on to the next. Very methodically it danced from bloom to bloom, though the order looked random, it probably wasn't.

It was about an inch long and didn't get too disturbed as I moved to within a few fee of it. Then off it flew up over the trees.

2011-08-02T07:25:00.001-04:00

A week ago six friends of my youngest (all teens) were planning an outing at Six Flags later in the week, coordinating rides and who could drive and setting the schedule. This group was close and thought of each other as extended family and were excited about a day of fun fitted in between the various summer jobs.

On that morning there was building excitement, Facebook postings about the great day they were going to have and a celebratory posting from the youngest passenger as they were nearing the exit on the highway...................

Late this afternoon they gather again along with many friends and family to scatter the ashes of this young boy on the hills of a ski area he loved. My youngest will be there as well as a good friend to all of them.

You see, right before the exit there was an accident that cause the car to flip over several times and resulted in the death of this boy. The others were all bruised and in shock but came through ok physically. I am not sure the emotional bruises of the accident will ever heal.

Death is always painful regardless of the age and situation, but the death of a child, to me, always seems more profound and my heart goes out to his family and to his close friends that were with him that day and to all the friends, like my youngest, who are touched by this. Life is a gift and incidents such as this are jolting reminders of how quickly life can change.

Where up meets down

2011-07-27T20:52:00.005-04:00

It's high summer in the Berkshires. The heat wave of the past weeks is gone and the air is pleasant. Even when the temperature last week was over a hundred, in the valley where I work, it was it's usual 10 degrees lower as I approach home. We don't have A/C at home so this is significant so it was bearable with all the fans going.

Usually this kind of weather is reserved for late August.

Yesterday another strange storm came through. With reminders of the the tornado warnings just a couple of months ago, I found that people I work with were quite edgy when the sky grayed and the severe weather warnings were sounded. It actually hit heavier in the central Berkshires and as I needed to be in Pittsfield last night I found many major trees and limbs down.
Yesterday also marked the day that I came home to find that the roofer had finally fixed our roof that was damaged when the tree fell on it. Now I just need to have the gutter people fix their piece and we are back to where we were, except that is for the barren piece of land or hill next to our house where the stand of pines once where.

I have been tending to the "hill" and watering it daily and nurturing the small seedlings that were revealed when the trees were taken. Initially it was just total shock on the land with the harsh sun, but now, with the watering, bushes and sprouts are coming up and a few maple and aspen seedlings have potential of again shading the house, even though this may be years away.
This new chore of staking up the bushes and tending to them has booted some more important projects from the list and that seems to be the way it often is.

I am so looking forward to vacation the even of next month. Crowded out by all sorts of work commitments, I have just a little more than a week that is locked in on the calendar with a few random days on either side. We've done a few artsy things so far: a play, a few concerts and of course the new Harry Potter movie [some of us, 3 times]. The pleasure of living where we do.

Hope all who venture here are having a good summer.